She’s With Her Dream Guy, But He Won’t Discuss The Future, So She’s Worried She Has To Give Up On Marriage And Kids
Three years ago, when this 29-year-old woman and her 31-year-old boyfriend first started dating, she made it crystal clear to him that her desire was to have children and get married in the future.
He agreed that he wanted those same things, and as time has gone on, she’s expected her boyfriend to come up with a concrete timeline for marriage and kids.
She doesn’t want to have a fancy wedding; she just wants to be able to say that she’s married prior to starting a family of her own.
When talks of taking the next steps first came up, her boyfriend maintained that he had to work on a couple of personal things, so she gave him space for a couple of months.
She then addressed the future with her boyfriend again, insisting she needed to know when he planned on settling down with her so she could determine if the timing was best for her.
Following those initial conversations, she has checked in with her boyfriend time and time again, but he always has an excuse and pretends as if they have never talked about this before.
He will say he just doesn’t think about marriage and kids, or he will say he’s not a good planner. It bothers her that he did say he would commit, but he isn’t following through.
“Last month, we had this talk again, and I finally felt like he had heard me,” she explained. “He said he understood what I was asking for and agreed to “give it some thought in a practical context” over the next few weeks.”
“I felt so sure that he meant what he said that I finally felt peace of mind, and we had the most relaxed and happy month after that. Yesterday, I finally followed up and asked him whether he’d given any thought to the timeline question, and again, he hit me with “I don’t think about these things,” as if he hadn’t specifically agreed to think about it this time.”
dianagrytsku – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“The response truly broke my heart, and it led to a very long, very emotional conversation where I opened up about my fears, about how I worry we will never get married, how I worry I’m giving up my fertile years and will miss the chance to have kids.”
Her boyfriend got irritated and asked why they couldn’t talk about the future in a more calm way, since she always gets so upset about this.
The thing is, she’s unhappy because she’s addressed getting married and having kids with him countless times, and she feels like they are making no progress.
Finally, her boyfriend claimed that he had put some thought into how to propose to her, but that was not what she wanted him to say. She simply wanted him to give her a time frame, which he failed to do yet again.
She’s done her best not to talk about the future too much, as she’s been worried about making her boyfriend feel like she’s pushing him to meet her at the altar. She’s not trying to do that; she just wants to understand if they’re ultimately compatible or not.
But after the latest argument, she’s left feeling like if her boyfriend chooses to propose to her at all, it will only be to keep her quiet, and it’s not something he really desires.
She’s concerned that their relationship is totally “doomed,” and she feels like her chats with her boyfriend have made her a girl she doesn’t want to be – naggy, pathetic, and crying over a lack of commitment.
Aside from this major problem, her relationship with her boyfriend is excellent, and he’s everything she could want.
“He is truly my dream partner; he’s caring, sweet, thoughtful, fun, smart, and lovely,” she continued.
“But the constant refusal to work with me on this has made me feel so rejected and hurt. On one hand, the idea of throwing away an otherwise perfect relationship with the man of my dreams over this one thing seems ridiculous.”
“On the other hand, I’m so scared I’m wasting my fertile years with someone who has no intention of actually having a marriage and kids with me.”
“I’m completely at a loss for what to do. Do I just give up on the idea of marriage and kids altogether and just be happy I found a good guy?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:Relationships
Read This Next
