Her Husband’s 29 Years Older Than Her, And She Thinks The Age Gap Is Making Her Miserable
For more than a decade now, 35-year-old woman and her 64-year-old husband have been married, and they have three children who are 8, 10, and 12.
She actually met her husband back when he was 21, and she never thought that their 29-year age gap was a big deal at all.
Over the years, her husband has proved to be a great dad and a great husband. But when her own dad passed away two years ago, the reality of having to be her husband’s caregiver hit her like a ton of bricks.
Her dad was very sick for the six months leading up to his passing, and it was absolutely a full-time job for her, her mom, and her sisters to help him in his time of need. It was distressing and exhausting to have to step up and do that.
Several months after her dad’s death, she began college, and she feels like, for the first time in her life, she has discovered “her thing.”
Her husband is super supportive of her pursuing a degree, and he has been working less so that she has the ability to go to all of her class lectures.
“The thing is, I feel like my life is just winding up, and my husband’s is winding down,” she explained.
“We have nothing in common at all. We don’t do anything together. This is partly because we struggle to get time together because the kids have so many extra needs, but even when we do get time, we don’t do anything. I have my interests, and he has his.”
She’s currently thinking about how she has to care for her mom in a couple of years, as she’s elderly and starting to show her age.
Ranta Images – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Adding to that, her kids will require additional care when they become adults, so she will always have to be there in some way for them.
Oh, and her husband is growing older and will need her help on top of her mom and all of her kids. She feels overwhelmed and intimidated, considering all of this.
“I don’t think I have it in me,” she said. “I know that sounds so selfish, but my life will never get going if I have to spend the next 20+ years caring for everyone around me.”
“I’ve talked to him about these fears, and understandably, he is worried about what will become of him if I leave. I feel awful about it.”
“We’re financially hard up, so the thought of leaving him high and dry upsets me a lot. He’s also been diagnosed with a very treatable cancer and is having treatment this winter, which adds to the guilt.”
She’s also thinking of leaving her husband because she was super young when she met him, and she has changed over the years to a point where she no longer thinks they’re an ideal match.
She does still love her husband, and they get along wonderfully, but she doesn’t believe that she’s, well, in love with him right now.
She knows this sounds trivial compared to other relationship issues some people face, such as cheating, but this is her life. This is how she feels.
Occasionally, she and her husband struggle to communicate effectively since they err on the side of defensiveness, and that, coupled with their lack of commonalities, probably wouldn’t feel like an insurmountable issue…if they didn’t have close to a three-decade age gap.
“My husband thinks that love is enough to get through the hardships of caring for someone, but he has never actually had to do that for somebody,” she added.
“Caring for my dad was grim, painful, and exhausting. He was looking after the kids while I was caring for Dad, so he didn’t see much of it. It broke my mum.”
“I’d like to graduate, start my career, and focus on that as much as possible so I can get to a place of financial stability in the hopes of supporting the children as they grow up.”
It’s not that she wants to leave her husband and find another man, as her kids require so much of her time, but down the line, she would consider it.
Thinking about a man she would like to meet, she would like a potential love interest to be her age and at the same exact point in life that she is, even if that sounds cruel to say.
She is concerned that she’s envisioning the worst and being overdramatic because the future may turn out to be different than her worst fears.
“My husband is desperately sad that I’m unhappy, and our conversations about it just go around in circles,” she continued.
“We’ve applied for counseling, but the age gap isn’t going to go away. He’s told me that if I leave, he’ll be absolutely heartbroken and scared for the future, which makes me feel worse!”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:Relationships
Read This Next
