Chip Chick
We’re Always Sold The Idea That Love Should Be Easy
From the classic Disney movies to the mountain of rom-coms, you are sold this idea of true love. You are sold the idea that a romance will come along, making the stress of life melt away. Some magic man/woman will march into your life, sweep you off your feet, and true love will conquer all – it will be effortless and freeing.
But Nothing Good Comes Easy, Including Love
Don’t get me wrong, finding true, committed love can be done. A loving relationship is a beautiful thing. However, there is a saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
Here Are 5 Truths That Can Be Difficult To Come To Terms With In Your Relationship
Relationships are just like that. Relationships take work. Relationships come with challenges and have highs and lows. I’m giving you five hard truths that can be difficult to come to terms with in your relationship.
Healthy Relationships Are Boring
I do not mean this in the literal sense. I mean this in the sense of order vs. chaos. Let me explain. In much of pop culture, we get this notion that love and relationships are this crazy rollercoaster of highs and lows full of passion and conflict and making up…this is not healthy for a long-term relationship.
Healthy relationships and healthy love are more orderly and consistent. There is some wildness and chaos at the beginning for many (the honeymoon phase), but eventually, that dies down.
Don’t get me wrong, it will still have its moments of chaos, but mostly it should be calm and consistent. You know they love you. You know what to expect from one another. You know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way when it arises.
Successful Relationships Take Work
It’s easy to fall for the fairytale idea of love and relationships – that they are easy, and love alone will carry the relationship for the rest of your life together. But, the harsh truth is – that’s often just not true. Genuine relationships take work. Being in love is an emotion. Loving someone is a choice. It is a job that you choose to do every day.
Love is just one ingredient for a solid and successful relationship. It takes communication, honesty, compatibility, trust, effort, vulnerability, and a host of other ingredients to make it work. Rarely is it ever as easy as it looks in the movies or romance novels; if you or your partner are unwilling to do the work, the relationship will fail.
Relationships Require A Big Heart And A Short Memory
You will hurt your partner at some point in the relationship. Your partner will hurt you at some point in the relationship. How you deal with that hurt will determine if the relationship will survive. Nobody is perfect. Mean things will be said. Nobody is immune to messing up.
Having some empathy for yourself and your partner, as well as genuine forgiveness, will go a long way. Hold yourself accountable and apologize when you mess up. Be sure your partner is willing to do the same. Make amends quickly. Don’t hold grudges. A big heart and a short memory will pay off in the long run. What’s more important – winning a fight or a lifetime of love and happiness with your person?
No Matter How Much Your Relationship Makes Sense, It May Not Work Out
Relationships can be downright terrifying. First, you have to open up to this person and hope they choose to love you and stay. No matter how much the relationship makes sense, you or your partner could decide to leave at any moment.
Remember that being in love is a feeling, but loving someone is a choice. One day you or your partner could decide it’s not worth putting in the work for several reasons. It’s the risk we all take when we choose to take a chance at love. While this fear of loss is scary, it also means that you care about them if you are afraid to lose them. If that care is reciprocal, there is a strong chance you will be together for the long haul.
Communication Will Make Or Break Your Relationship
This harsh truth is the most important. Love is great, but communication will determine if you stay together long-term. Both of you HAVE to develop your communication skills to make things work.
You must establish healthy conflict styles and conflict resolution skills, understand each other’s love language, emotional triggers, and much more. If one of you fails to put in the work to develop these skills, it is unlikely the relationship will survive. Relationships require teamwork, so both of you have to do this.
Feeling in love and having passion are crucial aspects of building the relationship, but realistic expectations are more important for the relationship to survive and thrive. You don’t have to throw out the fairytale romance you grew up with; you have to realize you don’t find the fairytale. You create it.
