Dealbreakers in a relationship are goals, values, or even sometimes behaviors that run contrary to your objectives. Dealbreakers can absolutely threaten your long-term happiness, as in the end, it speaks to compatibility.
So what would you do if you found out that your spouse waited a few weeks until after your wedding to reveal to you that they lied about your one dealbreaker in order to prevent you from leaving them?
One week before this 29-year-old woman got married to her 31-year-old husband, she informed him that her dealbreaker would be him joining the military.
It’s not that she dislikes those who serve our country; she doesn’t like the lifestyle a military spouse has to live. She had a feeling that her husband was interested in joining, which is what sparked that chat.
“I eventually want children, and I don’t want to raise a family with the possibility of a parent being deployed, absent for military obligations, or put in dangerous situations,” she explained.
She also would hate to have to uproot her life and move around constantly, and she couldn’t have been clearer to her husband that this isn’t a life she can picture.
Her husband replied that it wasn’t a problem, since he was not going to be joining the military, so she did feel reassured after having that conversation with him.
“Now, three weeks after our wedding, he has told me that he wants to join. He says he may only join the National Guard because it’s ‘less dangerous,’ but he also admitted that joining the military has always been a dream of his,” she added.
“When I asked why, he told me he wasn’t interested before we got married, he admitted that he lied because he was afraid I would leave him, and immediately started talking about potentially getting a divorce, claiming I’m keeping him from his dreams.”
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“I told him that I support him pursuing the life he wants. I don’t want to stand in the way of his dreams, and I know that if he gives them up for me, he may resent me for it later. I want to see him become successful at something he loves and 100% support him.”
However, she feels the same way about the military and is not about to sign up to be a military spouse. That’s just not in line with what she wants for her life or her future children.
On top of that, she’s struggling with the fact that her husband intentionally lied to her about her one dealbreaker before they even got married.
“I would not have gone through with the marriage knowing this and feel very deceived. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate a situation where my husband wants a future that I explicitly said was incompatible with the life I want, and where he admits he concealed that from me before we got married,” she continued.
She’s left wondering what to do.
What I find most disturbing is that her husband lied to her so she wouldn’t leave him, and that’s diabolical, as well as unfair, since it took away her ability to choose.
She should work on getting a divorce because I don’t see how there’s any coming back from that kind of deception. It’s completely selfish to lie to someone you love in order to entrap them.
Also, if he so easily lied to her about this, what else is he keeping from her?
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
