Her Husband Resents Her For Not Wanting Children, And She Knows She Has To Leave Him
Close to a decade ago, this 30-year-old woman married her 32-year-old husband, and back in the beginning, she was on the fence about having children.
She was forthcoming about her reservations regarding kids, but as for her husband, he’s always been convinced that being a dad is for him.
“Over time, my uncertainty solidified into a firm decision: I don’t want kids. I communicated this to him openly as soon as I realized it (around 5 years ago),” she explained.
“I even told him that if having children was a life goal for him, I would step aside and let him find someone whose dreams aligned with his.”
“He chose to stay. When I brought it up again and offered him the chance to leave, he told me he didn’t even know if he wanted children, if it wasn’t with me.”
Since then, their marriage has no longer been the same. Things are changing, and her husband has grown to be so full of resentment she can’t ignore it.
Her husband hasn’t exactly blamed her outright for not getting to fulfill his dream of fatherhood, but the bitterness and sadness over it are pervasive.
Making decisions together is stressful. When they get into fights, her husband emphasizes how she stole being a dad away from him.
He’s even begun guilt-tripping her. They’re more like roommates than a husband and wife, and they no longer have a physical relationship.
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He refuses to open up to her or other people in his life about how he feels, and as for couples therapy, that’s off the table.
Her entire life has been built around her husband. She moved to a new country and left her loved ones behind. Her husband is the breadwinner in their household, which complicates leaving him further.
“I don’t want to go back to my home country, but my support system here is very limited. His family and some of our friends have started pressuring me,” she added.
“Even my family thinks I should just give in. I don’t believe he’s a bad person. Wanting kids is not wrong. But neither is me wanting to honor my truth, my healing, and my body.”
“I just don’t know how to take the next step. It feels like no matter what I do, someone will get hurt — either him, or me, or both. I’m lost. How do you walk away from something you love, knowing it’s no longer right for either of you?”
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