Her Husband Lives With His Parents And Only Sleeps At Home With Her Before Heading Back Over There
It’s pretty easy to understand why this 29-year-old woman feels lonely in her marriage to her 37-year-old husband.
She married her husband a year ago, and they’ve been with one another for close to six years. She actually uprooted her life and moved from Canada to be with him in America.
She thought that marrying her husband would be a wonderful thing, and so she left her life and her loved ones behind.
However, since making the move, she feels like she and her husband don’t live together, and she’s not wrong, because he literally lives with his mom and dad.
“He spends almost all of his time at his parents’ house. He goes there for breakfast every morning, works remotely from there, showers there, and keeps all his stuff (his clothes, his computer, everything) there. I also work remotely, but I’m alone in our home. Every day,” she explained.
At 3:30 in the afternoon, she goes to his mom and dad’s house to eat lunch with everyone. Then she helps clean up and do the dishes.
Occasionally, she sticks around so she can spend more time with her husband. Around 6:30, she heads to the gym with her husband, and that’s a rare moment where they’re together.
On the days they skip the gym, she’s at home by herself from lunchtime until 11 at night, which is when her husband returns to sleep.
“He says I should be grateful. That I have it easy. That I don’t appreciate how “good” my life is. But I didn’t imagine marriage would feel like this—like I’m still waiting for it to begin,” she said.
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“I try to hold things together. I do most of the chores at home. I try not to complain because, well, he’s not really here. I’ve also been the one buying furniture, decorating, and slowly trying to make this place feel like a real home.”
“He’s never really bought anything for the house. I guess because he doesn’t see it as his. But lately…I’m tired. I don’t feel motivated to add anything else to this space, because no matter what I do, it still feels like it’s just my space. Not ours.”
Over the weekend, her husband stated they need to quit eating out in an effort to save their money. She adores cooking, but she never does it since her husband only wants to eat at his mom and dad’s home.
He thinks his mom cooks better than her, which is another reason why she doesn’t get the opportunity to cook meals at home.
But one day, she put together lunch for her husband and she was thrilled for him to get to try it. One dish required a different oil, but she only had olive oil on hand, so that’s what she used.
Her husband got so furious over that, he called her a name and reprimanded her. He threw in that she should learn how to cook for his mom. It took her three hours to prep, cook, and then wash the dishes, so it was a huge amount of time she invested.
The only time her husband really stuck around was when she suffered a miscarriage. He tried to support her and cried as he grieved their child.
Her husband said if she got pregnant once more, he would move back home to be with her and would be a “present” partner.
She thinks she could be pregnant currently, so she brought it up to her husband. He told her she should move into his parents’ home, which went against what he had previously said.
“I know he wants to take care of them. They’re getting older. He says it would make life easier. I get it. But I’ve already given up so much, I just really want my own space. I’ve never really had my own space growing up,” she added.
“I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel like…I’m disappearing. And when he’s upset, sometimes he swears at me. He’ll say things like, “What…is wrong with you,” or “You’re a…moron,” or tell me I’m crazy. I hate it. I can’t stop crying after he says things like that. I just…break. I don’t think he realizes how deeply it cuts.”
“And the confusing part is—we also have good times. He can be sweet, and funny, and supportive in certain moments. We laugh together sometimes. We go to the gym. We have quiet, peaceful weekends now and then. But it’s like those moments never fully erase the weight of everything else.”
Another thing that upsets her is that she would like to have a real wedding, but her husband accuses her of prioritizing the wrong items.
If she does discuss any dream she has, her husband is quick to shut her down. He tells her she should get a different job, or give birth, or help him to purchase a new house so his parents can live with them.
She gets paid in CAD, so her husband says she needs to wait until she can make money in USD, so that she can be more helpful.
She does feel terrible that she can’t help out more with money in their household, which makes her believe she shouldn’t be complaining about her husband.
“Like maybe I should just be quiet, grateful, and stop asking for more. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else felt like this in their marriage?” she wondered.
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