7 Signs You and Your Partner Want Different Things
Not Every Couple Ends Up Heading In The Same Direction
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When you think you’re in love and enter a relationship, it’s easy to assume that you’re both headed in the same direction. But that’s until subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs begin to suggest otherwise.
The truth is that when we want different things from a significant other, it doesn’t always show up as some dramatic TV-worthy breakup moment. More often, it slowly creeps in through small differences in goals, values, or visions for the future that affect behavior and affection over time.
Here Are 7 Signs You And Your Partner Want Different Things
Then, once someone finally realizes they really are on a different page than their partner, it can be hard to fully admit that to themselves, let alone have that tough conversation in their relationship. That’s why more subtle signs of disconnect are much more common.
So, if you’ve been wondering whether you and your partner are truly on the same page, here are seven signs that perhaps your paths are beginning to diverge.
1. Your Lifestyles Clash (And Create Arguments)
No two people are exactly alike, yet there are more compatible lifestyle types than others. In other words, tension can accumulate quickly if your day-to-day life is totally out of sync with your partner’s.
Maybe they’re always working or love spending late nights out at social gatherings; meanwhile, you prefer early mornings and a quieter routine. At first, you two might be able to “make it work” or find your totally different preferences charming.
However, over time, they can begin feeling like constant obstacles, especially if either of you starts to judge or resent. At the end of the day, lifestyles dictate the ways in which we, well, live, so if you and your partner don’t have much common ground, it’s going to be tough to build a life together.
2. You Don’t Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
Every healthy relationship needs clearly defined boundaries, whether they’re emotional, physical, or even just about personal space. So, if one person is continually overstepping or dismissing their partner’s needs, it creates an imbalance and signals that their expectations clearly aren’t aligned.
For instance, maybe your partner wants to constantly spend time together, while you need regular alone time to decompress. Similar to lifestyles, boundaries have to be respected and understood by both partners, or trust will be repeatedly damaged.
3. You Have Opposing Views On Key Questions
There are plenty of differences that can be worked through in relationships, but when it comes to fundamental life choices, most people are hesitant to compromise.
I’m talking about the big questions, like “Do we want kids?” “Are we going to settle down or explore the world?” and, “If we have kids, will one of us stay home while the other builds a career?”
At the start of a relationship, such distant situations almost seem hypothetical, but after a while, they become your reality and must be answered. If your vision and your partner’s responses consistently clash, it’s a blatant red flag that you want different things out of life (and each other).
4. You Both Avoid Discussing Future Decisions
On a similar note, you and your partner might know that you have differing views on things like marriage, finances, or family planning. But instead of addressing them head-on, you dance around the topics like they’re landmines.
This temporary fix may seem smart in the moment. However, in the long run, it’ll just lead to deeper disconnects. Staying silent will only delay the inevitable realization: you are both on different pages about what lies ahead, and a compromise or a split is necessary.
5. You Feel Like Your Partner Isn’t Putting In Effort
Speaking of compromise, it’s an extremely important part of relationships. Nonetheless, in certain scenarios, it can really breed resentment and bulldoze a once-equal relationship.
Consider this: let’s say you received the job offer of your dreams, but it required you to move away from your hometown. At the time, your partner was supportive and excited for you and got on board with the move, compromising their support system and home base in the process.
But then, a year into your position in a brand-new city, you’ve realized that your relationship has changed. Your partner is no longer trying to further their own career, help around the house, or be affectionate with you. It’s hurtful, and you don’t understand why they seem to be holding onto resentment since they agreed to move.
This is just one example of a well-meaning compromise that can be hard to come back from. Your partner’s lack of effort is likely due to their disinterest or even frustration over how your life together has changed. While they were willing to give the idea a go at first, they realized they wanted something different. So, they no longer feel invested in your current path, and unless something fundamentally changes (like you compromising), the only option may be a breakup.
6. The Romance Has Faded
Similarly to a lack of effort, a significant decrease in romance is also a bad sign. Being affectionate requires someone to feel safe and vulnerable, but if they’re disgruntled by your joint situation right now, they may feel on edge, uneasy, or dissatisfied instead.
It’s hard to be emotionally close to someone when you want different things. Sometimes, one partner needs to just break the ice, get a transparent conversation going, and see what, if anything, can be done to mend the divide.
7. You Feel Like You Don’t Understand Each Other Anymore
Finally, it’s natural for communication to ebb and flow in long-term relationships. Nonetheless, if you frequently feel misunderstood by your partner (or surprised by their reactions to certain scenarios), you could be growing apart.
Perhaps you two act more like strangers than significant others and have a tough time knowing what the other is thinking or feeling. Of course, it’s okay to have different opinions from your partner, and it’s actually healthy for our perspectives to evolve and change over time.
Still, if empathy and understanding are missing, building a stable future together will seem pretty impossible, as you’ll never feel on the same page.
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