5 Ways The Michelangelo Phenomenon Makes Love Last
What If Love Could Help You Be Your Best Self?
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. What if love could actually help you become the best version of yourself, not by changing who you are but by revealing who you’ve always been beneath the surface? That’s the core of the Michelangelo Phenomenon.
This psychological concept is inspired by the artist Michelangelo’s belief that he didn’t create his iconic sculptures. Rather, he felt that his sculptures already existed within the stone, and it was his job to uncover them.
This Might Sound Poetic, But It’s Backed By Science
The same idea can be applied to relationships. The most supportive significant others don’t try to reshape each other. Instead, through love and encouragement, they help bring out the best in their partners.
While this idea might just sound poetic, it’s also been backed by science. A 2002 dating study published in the Journal of Personality, which included a two-month follow-up, showed that partners in strong relationships play an active role in shaping each other’s traits, skills, and even long-term goals.
Here Are 5 Ways The Michelangelo Phenomenon Can Help Love Last
The result? Greater relationship satisfaction and personal growth.
The Michelangelo Phenomenon proves that love isn’t just about staying together; it’s about growing together, too. So, here are five ways this powerful dynamic can help love not only last but truly thrive in your relationship.
1. See Your Partner’s Potential And Believe In Their Ability To Evolve
Sometimes, the people closest to us struggle to fully recognize their strengths, believe in the possibilities ahead, or go after their dreams. It’s natural to grapple with self-doubt, especially as we get older, so your belief in them can be transformative.
When you consistently reflect on their potential, either through thoughtful conversations, words of encouragement, or just showing up to cheer them on, you will become a mirror, helping your partner see who they can actually become.
Research has shown that people are more likely to choose growth over instant gratification when they’re reminded of supportive relationships. In other words, when your partner knows that you have faith in their ability to grow, they start to believe it, too. That inner confidence alone can begin to open doors they never thought they’d walk through.
2. Nurture Your Partner’s Growth With Care And Compassion, Not Criticism
Supporting your partner as they work to become a better version of themself is a delicate process. By making suggestions or giving other feedback, we might think we’re being helpful when, in reality, we’re coming off as pushy or judgmental.
The key here is to change your perspective. Instead of viewing yourself as a “fixer,” see yourself as a supporter, like someone who holds the ladder steady while your partner climbs at their own pace. You aren’t there to rush them or point out where they fall short; your purpose is to remain patient, ask how you can best support them before trying to give advice or take over, and applaud their effort, regardless of the outcome.
Studies have found that when encouragement is delivered with care and compassion, people are more likely to stick with their goals and feel fulfilled in their relationships.
3. Work As A Team Through Equal Effort
The Michelangelo Phenomenon is most influential when both people are invested in each other’s evolution. Strong relationships aren’t built by just one person doing the emotional heavy lifting while the other coasts along. It’s supposed to be a mutual process of both shaping and being shaped.
When each partner actively supports the other’s goals and pursues their own at the same time, it creates a shared rhythm of growth. One of the easiest ways to achieve this is by setting goals together, from saving up for a trip abroad to being more active on a weekly basis or trying out a hobby that interests you both.
Also, don’t forget to celebrate your partner’s achievements, just as you’d want them to celebrate yours. If one of you accomplishes something, it’s a win for you both because you are a team.
4. Never Stop Being Curious
After months, years, or even decades with our partners, it’s easy to think we know everything about them already. However, people are constantly changing. Think about yourself for a moment: are you still interested in the exact same things as you were five or 10 years ago? Do you have the same goals and hold all the same perspectives? Probably not.
These changes often happen subtly, too, so you may not even know when such shifts occur for your partner. That’s why it’s important to stay curious and create opportunities for discovery in your relationship.
Curiosity keeps the spark alive by inviting depth and surprise into even the most familiar partnerships. So, fight the temptation of falling into a routine with everything you have. Instead of assuming, ask more questions and go beyond the surface-level day-to-day conversations.
5. Remain Open To Change And Stay Connected Along The Way
Finally, change is scary for most people, but growth is inherently tied to it. So, as you and your partner both begin to evolve, you’ll likely encounter the challenge of staying connected.
Your significant other might take up a new routine, become interested in a different career path, or even change their longer-term future goals. All of this can feel unfamiliar, but that doesn’t mean it’s threatening.
Try to stay open-minded, even when things seem uncertain, and choose to grow alongside your partner instead of apart. Regular check-ins and intentional quality time are crucial here, allowing you both to stay on the same page. Being present, engaged, and open with each other will help you grow closer as you better yourselves individually.
To read the complete findings of the 2002 study, published in the Journal of Personality, visit the link here.
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