Following five grueling months of this 36-year-old man fighting with his 36-year-old now ex-wife, their divorce was finalized.
It was a contested one, so their split was ugly. They share a six-year-old daughter together and settled on joint custody of her, which seems to be the only thing they could agree on.
“The divorce was triggered by my ex-wife’s infidelity—she had been planning everything with the man she cheated on me with,” he explained.
“Honestly, the agreement itself was decent. My ex-wife accepted a lot of the things I asked for because she was desperate to finalize the divorce quickly so she could be with that man. At the time, I thought at least I was getting a fair deal, but now I regret it deeply.”
Several days ago, his daughter revealed that she had gotten to hang out with his ex-wife’s male friend, and they went horseback riding.
As soon as his daughter told him about this, his heart hurt. He knew that the friend was none other than his ex’s affair partner, not that they would have filled in those blanks for his daughter though.
He can’t help but hate his ex for stabbing him in the back and then allowing the man she betrayed him with to be a part of their daughter’s life.
“Knowing that this man, the one who helped destroy my family, is now meeting my daughter, talking to her, and spending time with her is an unbearable pain I don’t know how to cope with,” he said.
“What hurt me even more was my own reaction. I asked my daughter, without thinking, “So… is he going to be your father now?” She looked confused and said, “What? You are my father.” That response gave me a brief moment of relief, but it didn’t take away the overwhelming pain I feel.”
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So, here he is, hanging on to a lot of regret for settling on joint custody with his ex. He wishes he could go back in time.
If he had made things more difficult for his ex, it wouldn’t have been possible for her to effortlessly enjoy her fresh start with her affair partner.
He feels like he has no control over his ex allowing her affair partner to interact with their daughter, and he’s questioning if it would be wrong for him to try to get involved with preventing this.
“How do I cope with this? Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you deal with the unbearable feeling of another man being introduced into your child’s life like this?” he wondered.
“I really don’t know what I’m going to do if I ever see that man in person, especially if he’s with my daughter. I don’t trust myself to avoid a situation where something bad happens.”
What advice do you have for him?
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