Dating Is Not Broken, According To This Study: It Just Looks Different
In recent years, many people online have been venting about how modern dating is “broken” due to social isolation from technology, pandemic lockdowns, and the unrealistic expectations of potential partners.
Yet, two studies of college students conducted 10 years apart have found that dating actually isn’t broken at all. Between then and now, college students’ ideas about romantic relationships have remained relatively the same—it’s just that the trajectories of their relationships have changed.
“College students in our study did not share this perception of dating as a broken system, despite many massive cultural shifts during this decade,” said Brian Ogolsky, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
“Their perspectives on relationships today aren’t that different from what they were 10 years ago—or even 10 years before that.”
“Instead, young adults are taking more diverse and multifaceted pathways through romantic partnering and considering a broader range of outcomes.”
In 2012 and early 2022, college students between the ages of 18 and 29 were asked to describe their thoughts and experiences about the progression of romantic relationships. More than 250 students were surveyed, and about half of them had romantic partners at the time.
Based on their responses, the researchers identified four stages of romantic relationships. The first stage is called “flirtationship,” and it may take place online or in person.
If the attraction and level of interest are mutual, the individuals involved will take it to the second stage of “relationship potential.”
During this stage, they will spend more time together to see if they are compatible and if the relationship should move forward.
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If the union does progress, they have finally reached the third stage—being in a relationship. It’s important for them to officially label their status and identify themselves as significant others.
“Young adults clearly distinguish dating from being in a relationship,” said Ogolsky. “In our study, we used the term ‘relationship development’ to describe the activities we were investigating, but it became clear that participants did not view early behaviors as part of being in a relationship per se.”
“Instead, they viewed flirting and even dating as part of a broader pattern of interpersonal interaction that may or may not eventually lead to the formation of a relationship.”
In both studies, most of the students expected exclusivity and monogamy from committed relationships. The biggest differences between the two groups of students emerged during the third stage.
Those in the 2012 study were more likely to believe that the typical relationship path for partners to follow was to become engaged, while those in the 2022 study believed that commitment could take other forms, such as moving in together.
The fourth stage is called “commitment or bust,” which is when couples come to a crossroads and have to decide whether to get married, enter another type of long-term commitment, or go their separate ways.
Overall, modern technology like social media and dating apps did not play as major of a role as expected. Across the board, participants considered relationships in broader terms without placing a focus on technology.
The study was published in the journal Personal Relationships.
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