She Thinks She’s Gotten To The Bottom Of Why We Have A Singleness Epidemic
I’m sure you’ve heard of the increasing amount of people who are staying single and lonely out there, which everyone is referring to as the singleness epidemic.
Deja Chanel, who goes by @@dejachanel on TikTok, thinks she’s gotten to the bottom of why this is sweeping across the nation.
Deja believes that there are three main reasons why singles are looking for love yet striking out with finding a partner.
“Everything has to be social media approved now; it’s not enough to find someone that makes you happy; you also have to find someone that is going to put you in a relationship where you’re able to brag about it on social media,” Deja explains in her video as her first reason.
Deja’s second point is that many of us expect to run into someone who’s flawless and has a deep understanding of our innermost feelings as soon as we meet them.
Since we expect to encounter a person who understands us inside and out, this means we stop communicating effectively, and we never bring up how we would like them to treat us.
Adding to this, that perfect person will never make you have difficult conversations, and you just move along thinking that everything is rainbows and unicorns, but that’s not reality to view dating through that lens.
Deja’s third and final point, which she feels is the most problematic: we’re so obsessed with lifting one another up and insisting that you need to be happy to be by yourself.
Don’t get Deja wrong, it is good to be independent, but we’ve gotten sucked into becoming far too independent and feeling like we don’t need other people.
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“You keep seeing this rhetoric of, ‘Oh, you don’t owe people this, you don’t owe people that, you don’t have to put up with that,’ and I think you guys are missing the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone, even if it’s not romantic, even if it’s a friendship, there are going to be aspects of this relationship that are not necessarily pleasant all the time,” Deja clarifies.
Resolving to be single is not the answer, according to Deja, nor is cutting friends out of your life at the first sign of things not going so smoothly.
Walking away to be on your own solves nothing, in Deja’s opinion. You have to be willing to work through the difficult spots and not just give up when the going gets tough.
Deja emphasizes that exercising patience and forgiveness are the keys to succeeding in any relationship really, and she’s not wrong.
“Being in any sort of relationship is going to cause you to have some sort of a conflict, and you can’t solve conflict if your first – your very first or last answer is to just say, ‘Let’s forget it. Let’s just split up,'” Deja continues.
Deja thinks it’s a highlight that our society has evolved to a point where women do not need to rely on men to provide for them, but you can’t take that to the extreme as a woman and think that you can walk away when your relationship hits speed bumps.
Deja says you need to shift your mindset to be willing to stick with your partner while staying committed to working through the tough stuff together in lieu of ditching and being alone.
Jumping to giving up on your partner will always spell the end of a relationship since you both need to essentially be in it to win it, so to speak.
Deja knows she’s guilty of doing this herself, giving up when it’s hard, and it’s something many men and women are equally guilty of.
“There’s only so much growing and healing and self-development and healing that you can do when you’re by yourself,” Deja continues.
“Once you get to a certain point, you need someone there to reflect you back to you – you need someone to show you your shortcomings.”
“You need somebody to show you the things in you that still need to be healed, so being single and being alone and just giving up on having relationships as soon as they get tough is not the answer, and I really do think this is why we are in such an epidemic.”
What do you think about Deja’s take?
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