How You Can Stand Up To A Narcissist, Since You Probably Know One Or Two
Many people exhibit some narcissistic behavior, like having an inflated sense of self-importance, constantly requiring admiration, acting jealous or envious, and manipulating others. However, very few people actually have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a mental health condition.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, it’s unclear exactly how many people in the U.S. suffer from NPD. It’s estimated that between 0.5% and 5% of people are affected by it, with 50% to 75% of cases impacting males.
Yet, due to “covert narcissism,” or the tendency of people to hide narcissistic traits, it’s difficult to estimate the true number of people with NPD.
Regardless of whether someone has an official diagnosis, though, narcissistic characteristics in general can still make maintaining a relationship with them very taxing on your mental health.
The problem with narcissism is that it tends to be subtle and manipulative. Those diagnosed with NPD usually have low self-esteem and shame, which pushes them to seek out power over others.
Some of the most common signs of NPD may include feelings of superiority, arrogance, and confidence, as well as the inability to recognize others’ needs. Additionally, narcissists have trouble handling criticism, and when their grandeur is questioned or challenged, they might become enraged.
In an effort to inflate their own power, authority, and control, some with NPD may exhibit abusive behaviors, too. The abuse can range from physical, mental, and emotional to financial and spiritual, with the goal of making the person they’re abusing feel doubtful, shameful, or dependent on them.
A narcissist could try to isolate you from your loved ones, gaslight you, or control your access to privacy. They may also require that you bend to their every whim, and when you don’t satisfy their needs, they insult you, spread rumors, threaten you, or physically abuse you.
Relationships with narcissists can feel incredibly one-sided and severely affect your well-being. Those abused by a narcissist might begin to isolate themselves from their family and friends, have trouble identifying what’s real, and question their own sanity.
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This cycle can push people affected by NPD abuse to continue listening to their abuser and holding their abuser in high regard. It’s far from an easy pattern to break, but it’s still possible to confront someone with narcissistic traits.
Are You In Physical Danger?
Before we proceed, if you believe that you are in physical danger, do not confront your abuser.
If possible, build an exit plan, including someone you can contact for assistance or shelter, the items you will bring with you, and steps to increase your safety.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also available 24/7 for free and confidential support. You can reach the hotline by dialing (800) 799-7233.
Confronting A Narcissist
The key is to remember that confrontation doesn’t have to occur in the form of an argument. Moreover, you’ll have to stick to your guns and remain assertive, as those who exhibit narcissistic behavior will try to push back against your needs.
Begin by thinking about exactly what you want to say to the narcissist in your life. Consider what you want, how they could respond, and at what point your “limit” lies or when you will exit either the confrontation or the relationship as a whole.
As you confront them, remain calm, and even if they become upset or aggressive, try to let their words roll off your back. You don’t want to show any reaction to their manipulation tactics.
Instead, outline your boundaries as clearly as possible and detail the consequences that will occur if your boundaries are ignored. It’s important to note that you shouldn’t threaten the person you’re confronting. Nonetheless, you’re entitled to uphold your boundaries and protect yourself if your needs are being compromised.
Those with NPD or narcissistic traits may make promises at the moment to quell the confrontation. At that point, you should make it known that you won’t follow through on their desires or requests unless they also fulfill your needs.
Finally, while confronting a narcissist might prove fruitful, recognize that the outcome can vary. Recognizing when it’s time to move on is critical for preserving your mental health.
If you’ve had conversations about their behavior and it continues to negatively impact your mental and physical well-being, you should cut ties. The only actions you can control are your own, so don’t try to change someone with NPD or narcissistic tendencies.
You don’t have to navigate this on your own, either. Seek help from a mental health professional or support group, and lean on your friends and family.
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