He’s Afraid His Girlfriend’s Going To Leave Him Since He Doesn’t Want To Marry Her
This man has been married once, but that ended in divorce. He told his current girlfriend not long into dating her that he couldn’t picture himself walking down the aisle ever again, though he would be happy to find a companion for life.
His girlfriend said she got where he was coming from and even went so far as to agree with his position on marriage.
She added that she wasn’t upset by him not wanting to get married in the future, but lately, she’s changed her mind.
He’s been dating his girlfriend for seven years, but within the last three years, many of her friends have ended up getting married, and he suspects this may have swayed her opinion.
His girlfriend revealed that she would very much like to marry him, which made him uncomfortable. While he loves his girlfriend, he does not want to marry her, and it has nothing to do with her – it has everything to do with him.
“I love her, truly, but I have no interest in getting married again, and she knows this,” he explained. “I told her very gently to please not say that because I love our relationship.”
“I love her with all my heart, but marriage is something that puts me off after my past experience. And I also brought up that she knew this and said she understood this. She responded with “I know I know, but I can change my mind.”
“So I said, “Please know how much I love you, but I won’t change my mind when it comes to marriage. I don’t want to get married again.” She got upset, which upset me.”
His girlfriend has taken his refusal to marry her to mean that he does not love her enough. His girlfriend views this as a test he’s failing, and she thinks he is not interested in committing to her, which isn’t true.
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He feels like his girlfriend has sprung this all on him from out of left field, and he was under the impression they had a lovely bond.
This has not been a problem for the last seven years, and he’s failing to see why the marriage topic suddenly might tear them apart.
He has questioned his girlfriend about whether or not she wants to break up, and the way she handled that discussion left him feeling even worse than before, as she just threw the question back on him.
He said to his girlfriend that he wants to be with her, but she thinks he’s lying since he won’t give her a ring, which to her, is the ultimate form of commitment.
It’s not like they have never discussed marriage in the past. He’s made his position known from the beginning, which is why he feels crushed by his girlfriend’s change of heart.
“It’s now caused a rift in our relationship. And I’ve got a horrible feeling this might end us. I don’t want that. But the ball is in her court, and she’s been a little distant since that talk,” he said.
“I’m now paranoid she’s going to leave me. But I can’t marry someone again. It’s not about not wanting to commit to her. I’ve said this, I’ve explained this.”
“I’ve had a couple of friends “joke” and say, “Oh, just marry her.” But I can’t. What I’m basically asking is, [am I the jerk] for risking losing her because I don’t want marriage again, even though she knew that? [Am I the jerk] for not just marrying her purely to keep her with me?”
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