She’s Convinced Her Boyfriend’s Just Using Her For Free Childcare
For close to three years, this 23-year-old girl has been dating her 31-year-old boyfriend, and their lives are pretty intertwined so far.
They rent a home together, and they share a pet. Things definitely moved quickly between them, and they were living with one another after dating for under one year. This mainly happened due to her boyfriend’s 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
Her boyfriend travels extensively for his career, so he is at home Friday evening through Sunday afternoon or evening before he’s off running again.
She cares for her boyfriend’s daughter alone on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, but that doesn’t bother her.
The biological mom of her boyfriend’s daughter is not at all involved and lives in a separate state from them, so they never see her.
Recently, she and her boyfriend have been getting into a lot of fights despite not spending that much time together, and she feels as if her boyfriend doesn’t appreciate everything that she does when he’s away.
He argues that his way of proving that he loves her is through purchasing items for her, but that’s not her love language; it’s verbally showing appreciation or being physically close.
This weekend, a particularly ugly fight occurred between them, and she dragged out some text messages she discovered from the start of their relationship where her boyfriend was being so kind and loving.
“When I told him about it, he said, “Yeah, ’cause I was a guy trying to get in your pants.” I mean, fair, I get it as that’s what guys do, lol,” she explained.
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“But the part that keeps replaying in my mind is the fact that also in the convo, when we were talking about before, he said “I used to have my own apartment, I had space and my own place. Yeah, we’d go do things, but then I was able to go out and do my whole thing. Like today, I knew I had to come home, but in reality, I don’t wanna be here. I want to do laundry, get stuff done, etc, but I don’t want to feel stuck here. And I feel like I have to stay here ’cause your home, and you probably want me to hang out.”
Ouch, right? This keeps on playing in her head, especially since she never sees her boyfriend because of his work schedule.
He’s only home on the weekends, really, and she has to work on Saturdays, so that isn’t a day they see one another.
Adding to the fact that there is no quality time spent between them – they also aren’t romantically close at this rate.
She knows their “honeymoon phase” is over and done with, but his complete and utter lack of interest in her is making her upset.
She thinks her boyfriend is simply using her for childcare, and that’s a pretty sad realization.
“IDK, I guess I just feel like I’m more of a free babysitter at this point than a girlfriend,” she continued. “And like he doesn’t even wanna hang out with me anymore.”
“I love him and want to be with him, but [I] don’t want to keep feeling like this. What would you do in my situation? Do you think he still cares/wants to be with me?”
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