A year ago, this 29-year-old woman dated a man who was so far out of her league in every way you could be. For instance, he was way smarter than her, and she would not consider herself an intellectual.
He had a PhD, as did his parents, and he was far more educated than her. He constantly had to break things down for her in a way she could understand so they could have conversations.
He was a social butterfly with loads of friends who adored him, which couldn’t be more opposite from her. He made six times her income and was successful financially.
He lived in an amazing apartment, whereas she was stuffed in a small room in an apartment shared with other people.
He was fit and worked out, which is something she’s never been into. He had impeccable style and unique outfits, and her closet couldn’t compare.
The largest difference to her was how blindingly attractive he was in comparison to her own looks. Women hit on him nonstop and didn’t even acknowledge her as his date, even if they were holding hands. She was just invisible.
“All of these differences have affected my self-esteem quite badly. He ended things after about six months, and I felt like it was the confirmation of me not being good enough,” she explained.
As soon as she began dating him, she couldn’t imagine what it was about her that he liked. People around them questioned their relationship as well and would outright say to her or her boyfriend they didn’t get it.
In the aftermath of her boyfriend dumping her, she feels as if her entire life has been upended, and her confidence is crushed.
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In an effort to pick up the pieces, she’s been doing what she can to improve herself. She works out now and eats in a healthy way.
She picked up a new, better-paying job. She’s planning on going back to college to pursue higher education in the fall.
“Once I have lost more weight, I plan on getting a stylist for some direction on clothes. Once I make more money, I would like to move, at least, to a bigger room in a shared flat,” she said.
“I also have tried dating. Can’t really do it, [because] no one I can attract comes even close to my ex. I tried hitting on equally attractive men in person, they were not interested, understandably. So part of my motivation is getting to date men who are still way out of my league because I feel like I can’t ever go back after I experienced this person.”
“All in all, I guess you could say these changes are positive. It’s just that I feel deeply unworthy, and that’s why I’m trying to change. My question is, are these changes in lifestyle uhealthy because the motivation is? Should I stop?”
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