This 26-year-old man sat down to have a conversation with his 28-year-old girlfriend regarding their shared future, and what his girlfriend had to say had him walking away from that chat with a bad feeling.
Now, they were raised in starkly different cultures, but they haven’t encountered any rough spots in their relationship until now.
His hang-up is over his girlfriend’s demands to be a stay-at-home wife, and he’s truly concerned about being able to move ahead with her.
His girlfriend wants nothing more than to be a stay-at-home wife, and her path to this dream of hers is not flexible in the least.
His girlfriend expects to stay home even after their future children are enrolled in school. He could get with this arrangement, but his girlfriend isn’t domestic, nor is she signing up to be that helpful.
When he asked for more clarity about what roles she would take on when the kids were in school, she said she wants to hire a live-in-maid to do all their chores and cleaning.
She will simply supervise the maid to make sure things are up to their standards.
“Tasks like taking out the trash, handling repairs (e.g., if the fridge breaks), or any maintenance around the house, she believes, are entirely the husband’s responsibility,” he explained.
His girlfriend mentioned being in charge of helping teach their kids, but he wants to have that be a 50/50 split, not something entirely left up to her. He wants to be a present dad, and he would like them to share everything equally.
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Moving on to household duties and cooking, his girlfriend isn’t talented in these departments, nor is she the kind of person who wants to get better at cooking and cleaning.
“While I don’t expect her to become a master chef or homemaker, I feel that contributing to these basic tasks is part of a balanced partnership,” he added.
Jumping to how money should be handled in their household, that raised the most red flags for him, as his girlfriend wants nothing to do with managing money.
“She said she doesn’t want to worry about money and expects me to handle all financial planning, budgeting, and ensuring we have enough for all expenses,” he continued.
“She also wants daily access to my bank account and to have my card for her use. Personally, I think it would be more practical to have separate accounts, and I’d happily provide her with a monthly allowance for personal and household expenses.”
Now, when it comes to working and having a job, his girlfriend hates to work. She loves complaining about the job she has now, and though she makes great money, she has made it obvious that she will not keep her job if they get married.
And this is not up for discussion.
As for driving, that’s not something his girlfriend does, and she’s not going to learn. He sees this as a big challenge to being a stay-at-home wife. How will she shop for groceries or take the kids where they need to go?
“She also has expectations for our lifestyle, such as taking two vacations a year, but hasn’t addressed how she’d contribute to making that possible financially or logistically,” he said.
He loves his girlfriend, but her views on the future are making him realize she’s trying to make him adult for the both of them.
She’s sticking him with basically all of the responsibilities while evading them herself. She clearly intends to dump the household, logistical, and financial duties squarely on his shoulders without contributing at all.
He would be happy to shoulder more of the burdens during some times, but his girlfriend wants this to be a permanent solution.
“Am I being unreasonable for feeling conflicted about this?” he wondered. “How can I approach this discussion with her in a way that encourages compromise and understanding?”
“How do you handle finances and responsibilities in a relationship where one partner wants a more traditional role?”
“I’m genuinely trying to understand how to move forward without disregarding her dreams or compromising my values. Thanks for reading, and I’d appreciate any advice or thoughts you can share!”
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