5 Subtle Differences Between Love And Lust To Help You Define Your Relationship
How Do You Know If You Love Someone Or If It’s Just Lust?
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. I feel like one of the biggest questions people have when it comes to their relationship is: How do I know if I actually love them or if it’s just lust?
It’s Easy To Understand The Confusion
I get the confusion – watch any rom-com and love story movie/TV show, and they all show a similar theme – two people meet by “fate” and fall madly in love. But, unfortunately, we rarely see any farther than the hot and heavy beginning of the relationship.
The problem is that puppy love is mostly lust, not love. I will list some critical differences between long-lasting love and intense lust that usually comes first.
First, Let’s Define Lust And Love
Lust is an intense physical attraction to someone. Lust is excellent for creating the sparks that can ignite a relationship, but lust is usually a fleeting sensation.
People expect lust to hang around years into the relationship, and it might. But, for most people, lust fades. Lust can start a relationship, but it can rarely sustain one. It is a dangerous myth to think lust should be expected in a long-term relationship.
Love, on the other hand, is complex. Love is more than just a feeling of attraction. Love is a combination of security, affection, trust, and acceptance. However, love is more than that – love is a choice.
Love Is A Choice, But Lust Doesn’t Work That Way
You don’t always choose who you fall in love with (lust), but you decide who you love. Love is a choice to be with someone and accept them – flaws and all.
Lust does not work that way. Don’t get me wrong – love and lust have similar effects on the brain and body, but there are differences.
Now, Let’s Explore The 5 Differences Between Love And Lust
Let’s take a look at five of those differences now. This list is not exhaustive, but it gives you a general idea of how to tell if you love someone or are just in lust.
#1: Lust Is Purely Physical, But Love Is More Than That
With lust, there is usually just an intense attraction. You aren’t interested in learning more about them or trying to spend more time with them.
With love, the physical things are a part of the attraction, but there is more there. You find yourself wanting to spend time with them doing more than hooking up, and you desire to get to know them better.
#2: Lust Is About Fun, But Love Is About Exploring Life With Them
With lust, the goal is to keep the relationship fun and casual. Lust is a superficial relationship with no substance.
With love, there is substance. You go past the surface and explore hopes, dreams, insecurities, values, and emotions.
Love has layers – lust does not.
#3: Lust Is 2-D, And Love Is 3-D
With lust, once you realize your partner has flaws, the fun loses its luster. It doesn’t feel as intense as it did before. So now is the point you make a choice – to love them or leave them.
With love, you accept them despite those flaws when you reach this point. Love comes with the acceptance of someone’s good and bad qualities. You don’t have to love EVERY aspect of your partner to love them as a person.
#4: Lust Is The Spark That Ignites The Flame, And Love Is The Ember That Never Entirely Dies Out
Lust has an expiration date 99% of the time. Lust is all about the danger and rush of exciting new things with someone you want to hop in bed with every chance you get. Nobody denies that lust is incredible – it’s just not meant to last.
While lust sparks a flame, once it starts to die down, you either let it burn out or stoke it to ensure the embers never die. That is love.
With love, the thrill doesn’t come from the excitement and the rush of attraction but instead from vulnerability and taking risks with your heart, hoping they feel the same. So it’s a different kind of rush. Lust is low risk – low reward. Love is high risk/high reward.
#5: Lust Is Fleeting, And Love Is Persistent
That is straightforward – lust has an expiration date, and we often don’t get to choose when that is. Love is more persistent and longer-lasting. Furthermore, we get to choose to love someone.
As a final thought, know there is no right way to handle lust and love. It will look different depending on where you are in life and what you are looking for right now. For example, if you know you aren’t in a place to be vulnerable and open your life up to somebody, then pursuing love may not be the right course for you right now.
Do not feel bad if all you are looking for right now is lust – that is okay. Just be honest with yourself when thinking about how much you want to invest in a relationship, and make sure your partner is on the same page so nobody gets hurt unintentionally.
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