This Is The Most Important Quality Your Romantic Partner Needs To Have, According To This Study
Hopeful singles are constantly searching for compatibility with potential partners. Some believe it lies in having a funny sense of humor or zest for spontaneity, while others think sharing hobbies or the same fashion sense is the mark of a good fit.
Well, even though we are undoubtedly drawn to like-minded people who share similar interests, recent research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests personal values form the foundation of true compatibility. One value, self-transcendence, also emerged as the most important quality in a romantic partner.
Self-transcendence values are those that drive us to look beyond our own needs to act in ways that benefit others. It has two principles at its core: universalism and benevolence.
The former encompasses values such as caring for others, appreciating nature, and embracing diversity. Those who put universalism first are deeply invested in society’s well-being.
When it comes to romantic relationships, this can show up as a mutual passion for social causes or a profound respect for each other’s backgrounds, viewpoints, and differences.
On the other hand, benevolence centers on qualities like reliability, compassion, and humility. There’s an emphasis on supporting the people closest to us, including family and friends.
Benevolence in a romantic relationship might involve prioritizing your partner’s well-being, providing comfort and understanding during difficult moments, and compromising or making personal sacrifices for the relationship.
When these two aspects come together, self-transcendence values emerge as empathy, inclusion, and support in relationships.
Partners who share these values more often approach conflicts as opportunities for growth, working together as opposed to against each other.
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Yet, a misalignment in these values can create noticeable rifts. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner lacked empathy or didn’t try to understand your perspective?
This common issue can lead you to feel neglected or unheard, and as time goes on, it may seem as if you’re very disconnected from your partner.
According to the study, personal values have their opposite counterparts, and the flip side to self-transcendence is self-enhancement or entitlement.
Values driven by self-enhancement put personal power and achievement first. So, it’s probably not surprising the researchers found self-enhancement has a negligible effect on relationships.
Now, you might be wondering why self-enhancement is so bad if its impact on romantic endeavors is neutral. The fact of the matter is while that may be true, its opposite, self-transcendence, has an undoubtedly positive effect.
Those who lack self-transcendence may be quick to call their partners selfish. For instance, have you ever been asked to go out on a date night with your partner or take a day trip, and you turned them down to work on a personal interest or project?
Each of you likely felt as though the other was acting selfishly. The study’s authors encourage partners to dig deeper.
“When people struggle with their romantic relationships, it is easy to find fault with their partners. In our humbler moments, we might also recognize contributions from our own traits and habits. But what about the potential impact of our own cherished personal values?” the team stated.
You and your partner can be the most compatible people in the world on paper, but if you have differing values, you may find that conflicts aren’t fully resolved or someone holds onto lingering resentment.
One of you may prioritize the collective health of your relationship, and the other may focus more on individual aspirations and success.
When a couple values self-transcendence together, they don’t frame conflicts or disagreements as acts of selfishness.
Instead, they work to compromise together. They are able to look beyond their own perspective and make an effort to see things from their partner’s point of view.
At the end of the day, embracing self-transcendence is all about prioritizing your partner’s well-being and your relationship itself.
Those who do this recognize that small acts of compromise will lead to significantly greater long-term rewards than the instant gratification of their immediate personal wants.
To read the study’s complete findings, visit the link here.
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