She Told Her Friend It’s Time To Quit Using Her Trauma To Justify Her Terrible, Selfish Behavior, Which Didn’t Go Over Well
Sometimes, you genuinely believe that pointing out a loved one’s deplorable behavior might help them to correct it, but that doesn’t always end up working in your favor.
This 27-year-old woman has a friend named Claire, who is a year older than her, and Claire has had a traumatic go of things.
Twelve years ago, Claire’s parents sadly passed away in a heartbreaking accident. She has always looked up to Claire for being so strong in the face of so much pain and turmoil.
Ever since then, she has made herself available to Claire whenever she needed a friend to speak to or rely upon, and she’s been happy to be Claire’s source of support.
“However, in the last year or so, her behavior has become increasingly selfish and dismissive,” she explained.
“She cancels plans at the last minute, refuses to contribute when we split group expenses, and is often rude to mutual friends, especially if they call her out on something.”
“Every time someone tries to address her behavior, she deflects by bringing up her trauma and saying that they don’t understand how hard it is for her.”
Now, Claire hasn’t always been so, well, nasty. In fact, right after losing her parents, Claire was pretty introverted, but as the years wore on, it seemed that Claire was doing well again.
But then she slid into being not the best person to spend time around, and this is a relatively recent occurrence. Over the last year or so, Claire has started to behave badly.
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She kept quiet about it, suspecting that perhaps Claire was experiencing a new hardship, but Claire never confided in her that anything was amiss.
One weekend ago, she finally got so fed up with Claire that she confronted her. They had organized a little getaway over the weekend with some of the closest friends, and Claire canceled at the very last moment.
That left her and her friends scrambling to pay for Claire’s share of the trip, which certainly wasn’t fair of Claire to stick them with that bill.
“I reached out to her privately and told her that while I understand her past is painful, it doesn’t excuse treating people poorly or shirking responsibility,” she said.
“She got very upset and accused me of being heartless, claiming I don’t care about what she’s been through. Now our mutual friends are divided.”
“Some agree with me, saying Claire’s behavior is unacceptable, while others think I was too harsh and should have just let it go. I’m conflicted because I truly care about Claire, but I also feel like I need to set boundaries for my own mental health.”
She’s left wondering if it was out of line for her to tell Claire it’s time to quit using her trauma to justify her terrible, selfish behavior.
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