She Ended Her Engagement After Her Fiancé Confessed He Gave Her A Shut Up Ring And Isn’t Ready To Take The Next Step
Six years ago, this 24-year-old girl met her 26-year-old fiancé; two years ago, they moved in together, and a year ago, they got engaged.
She and her fiancé have a lot of commonalities and overlap in their likes and interested, but one thing has always bothered her: she’s more like her fiancé’s mom or roommate than his partner.
She’s the one who has to plan their dates, she’s the one who has to initiate physical contact, and she’s the one who has to beg him to be more open with his communication style. Every night after work, they fold their laundry together and head off to bed.
Less than a month ago, she was trying to talk to him about taking initiative again or perhaps looking into counseling together.
During that conversation, her fiancé confessed that he basically bought her a shut up ring and only got down on one knee because she’s the one who wanted it, not him.
It then came out that he’s not ready to take the next step, so she took off her engagement ring and pointed out it all feels like one big lie.
He took back the ring and pledged to give it back to her once he did feel ready to plan a wedding. She couldn’t believe he proposed to her without even wanting to take the next step.
From there, they went to a therapy session together, and their therapist brought up that living in different places might help fix things for them.
After thinking it over for a few days, she decided that breaking up with her fiancé was what the best thing for her to do.
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But how he reacted to her calling it all off destroyed her.
Initially, he was pretty theatrical about it and made it out like he’s the victim in their love story. Then he swung around to saying she failed to give him the chance he needed to actually change.
“I had to remind him a few times that he’s the one who broke my heart first. He lied for months and took the ring back,” she explained.
“Then more dramatics, crying, etc. But the next day, everything was normal. He was behaving like nothing happened – no more fighting for this relationship or even being hurt. He said “we’re going to be good friends” and acted like nothing’s happened.”
“Over the next few days, I would occasionally get comments like “If anyone asks what happened I can’t say we broke up, I have to say you broke my heart and left me” or “At least you stopped pretending you love me.” Other than that? No crying, no arguments. He was acting as per usual. It just broke my heart (again) to see how he didn’t even try, that he really didn’t care much. Shouldn’t be surprised, really, yet here we are.”
She had to push him to move out on three different occasions and finally gave him a firm date for when he had to leave, which happened to be three weeks after he took the engagement ring back from her.
He feigned being wounded by this, yet didn’t try to find his own place. By the way, they live in her mom and dad’s house, and her parents have never asked him to pay bills.
When her mom and dad got involved and told him it was time to go, he got the picture. Yesterday, he moved into his own place, and she assisted in packing up all of his belongings.
“I’m on my own now, after 6.5 years with that one man. New year new me, I guess?” she wondered. “…It feels like a part has been ripped from me. I need to know this feeling will go away.”
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