She Announced Her Pregnancy To Her Husband, And Then He Asked To Separate
Over the course of the last three years, this 37-year-old woman has had a tough go of being a mom to her three-year-old, balancing a new job, finishing graduate school, and purchasing a home with her 35-year-old husband.
She and her husband have always dreamed of having a second child, and so they were in agreement to try for another baby when she came to the end of grad school, which happens to be right at this moment.
She’s completing her thesis and is about to send it in within a few days’ time. Considering how piled high her plate is with responsibilities, it’s easy to see why she says that she and her husband have been going through a difficult time with simply dealing with life.
She and her husband were both aware that her two-year grad program would put a strain on their emotions as well as their bank account. However, they figured the sacrifices would be worth it to better their family.
They both were all in on sticking with it, and then she was hoping to be able to use that newfound free time upon completing her program to invest in connecting with her husband, being a mom, and having time to herself.
As she’s neared the homestretch, it’s proven exceptionally hard, with this last month being the worst of it, hands down.
“There have been great moments (professional recognition, etc.), but hubby and I have been drifting apart,” she explained.
“Surprise, surprise, I’m now pregnant, a few months later than ‘planned.’ I told him, and he replied that we should consider separating. He wanted to wait until after I submitted [my thesis] to tell me over our Christmas vacation.”
“We’ve talked before about his unhappiness/depression. He’s the ‘leader’ in our marriage and it’s wearing him down something awful. He wants to put some space between us, to break our codependent dynamic. He’s sure about that but not sure if our marriage will eventually recover. He says he doesn’t hate me or anything, and he does want this new baby, too.”
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He’s open to marriage counseling, though he has stated he would like to pursue therapy alone before turning to that.
She’s worried about bringing a baby into the world when she’s not convinced her marriage can be repaired, which complicates things further.
It’s no secret that they both need to look deep within themselves to determine what it is they really want while resolving to no longer keep going in such a toxic way.
She’s interested in doing anything within her power to make her husband want to stay, as she would hate to see her family crash and burn.
“I’m crushed that he can’t make that same commitment, at least not yet,” she continued. “There’s obviously a lot I haven’t said. He is fairly accomplished; I’m over here just trying to keep up.”
She’s afraid that her husband is done, and that he has nothing left to give to her or their marriage. He can’t even verbalize what it is he wants out of their marriage right now, which is why he wants a separation; so he can think about it.
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