Several months back, this 31-year-old woman tied the knot with her 36-year-old husband, who has three sons with his ex-wife.
She’s been having a difficult time lately figuring out where she fits in his family and in his life, and this largely has to do with his ex, with whom he has zero boundaries.
“I so badly want to have a family of my own that is not overshadowed by the life he created with his ex,” she explained.
“She is involved in the kids’ [lives] in a great way. I am struggling due to the fact that his family has begun inviting her to the holidays.”
During the first year she dated her husband, his ex-wife wasn’t asked to come on Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other holiday.
But then that all changed literally this year, and his ex was allowed to come to Thanksgiving, and now she will be showing up for Christmas with her husband’s family.
For Thanksgiving this year, she felt as if she was pushed to the side and outshone by her husband’s ex, who loves to have all eyes on her.
Additionally, her husband’s ex is bestie with her husband’s sister-in-law, and these two women went out of their way to make her feel excluded.
Her sister-in-law has forever treated her coldly, which she assumed was because of how mild-mannered she was.
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“I thought it was her personality, but now, as I have watched things unfold, I think it is due to her not wanting me to be part of the family vs. wishing [the] ex was still with my husband,” she added.
“At Thanksgiving, it was very hard watching the two set up for the festivities and cook together. I told my husband before the holiday that I did not want to celebrate our holidays with her if we have the children.”
“I see no point. I told him I was fine with her being invited if she had the kids because I would never want to deny him seeing his kids on the holidays.”
Her husband insisted that it was not his place to force his loved ones to leave his ex out of the holidays. She argued that he was not making her a priority.
Her husband’s ex makes her really uneasy, as this woman did try to cause a rift between them in the past and has said hurtful things to her face.
There was one time when her husband’s ex asked her to come to dinner with her, and she said yes, hoping they could perhaps be friends.
But that night, as she walked out her front door to head to dinner, her husband’s ex uninvited her at the last minute, which stung.
She’s done her best to leave that all behind, but it’s not easy. On top of feeling wounded by how her husband’s ex has behaved in regard to her, she feels like her husband does nothing to stand up for her either.
“Every time I had an issue, he would say that I can either accept the situation or he would leave me,” she said.
“So combined with the feelings that my husband won’t stand up to her, won’t tell his family to stop inviting her to holidays, and his sister-in-law and ex leaving me out, I really do not want to spend holidays with her when we have the kids.”
But her husband’s mom already invited his ex to come to Christmas with all of them. She wants to be able to relax in the honeymoon phase with her husband, as they did just have their wedding, but she’s left feeling on edge about his ex.
While she would like to ask her husband’s family to leave his ex out of the holiday season until she has time to feel good around everyone, her husband will not allow her to do that.
It’s not only the holidays her husband’s family spends with his ex – her husband’s mom invited his ex to a family dinner, knowing she wouldn’t be able to make it due to work.
“The fact that he had a “family dinner” with his ex and family while I was away working disgusts me,” she continued.
“This is making me question our future. For some reason, it feels like a huge betrayal. I do not want to spend my life in the shadow of another woman.”
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