For three years, this 27-year-old woman has been with her 29-year-old fiancé, and he only just proposed to her. He’s well off, making $100,000 a year at his job, and she earns $80,000.
She has a lot of anxiety surrounding money since she grew up in the lower-middle class (and her fiancé did, too), but her anxiety also has driven her to get to where she is in life.
Her fiancé is aware of her concern about financial subjects, and she has outlined to him that being financially stable is majorly importance to her.
She witnessed her mom and dad rely so heavily on their credit cards that they don’t own a house and have no money saved to retire on, and they’re in their 50s.
Her fiancé’s parents live similarly to her own, though they are homeowners. She suspects their joint income is about what her fiancé pulls in annually.
“The week after we got engaged, I organized [a] sit-down meeting where we pulled up all of our finances: bank statements, retirement, debt, etc.,” she explained.
“He always admitted that he doesn’t know a ton about finances, but I was honestly a bit shocked. He’s been making $100k for 3 years and only had $2k in his savings, no retirement account even though his job offers one, but luckily no debt (that I could see…more on this later).”
“However, I realize this isn’t a horrible position to be in and isn’t detrimental at all, so I just told him that I’d like to see him at least have 3-6 months of expenses saved up by the time our wedding comes in a year, which he agreed to.”
A couple of days after their conversation, she began to obsess over where her fiancé’s money went. What can he possibly spend that kind of cash on?
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She can’t understand how he has no money in the bank, considering that he does not buy lavish or luxury items.
They also do not own a car, and they share their bills equally. She then began to freak out over thinking the money could be going to gambling or him cheating on her.
She was so stressed out she could hardly function, so she snooped through her fiancé’s statements on his computer when he wasn’t home.
She could see his mom was sending him $300 to $500 a month on top of everything, which she initially thought meant his mom borrowed money from him.
Next, she dug through his text messages to find out more about what his mom needed cash for, and what she found was absolutely shocking.
“In their text messages, I saw that he asks her for $200-$500 AT LEAST once a month but never specifies what he needs it for,” she said.
“He just says something vague like, “Having a rough month with bills.” She usually replies with something like “Yes, but please be more responsible,” and he clearly never listens because a few weeks later, he’s asking again.”
“The last time, 2 weeks ago, she agreed to send him $200 but told him that she can’t help him anymore and he needs to pay her back the $8,000 he’s borrowed this year. 8 thousand dollars.”
She doubts that her fiancé’s mom is aware of what he’s spending money on, and she’s making herself ill, attempting to get to the bottom of it.
She’s wondering if she should say something to her fiancé. What’s holding her back is she will have to admit that she’s been digging through his personal things in order to confront him.
What advice do you have for her?
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