He And His Wife Spent $100,000 On IVF, And He Withdrew His Consent To Implant Their Remaining Embryo Due To How Deranged She’s Acting Lately
Well, this poor man’s wife started screaming expletives at him in front of their 4-year-old son as they were walking him home from daycare yesterday.
He and his wife are both in their 40s and conduct themselves professionally, though he says you couldn’t tell based on how she was treating him out there on the street not too long ago.
They both were disagreeing after he expressed to his wife that he felt she was failing to enact boundaries with their son and choosing to indulge his meltdowns instead.
He was holding his son’s little hand in his own, out there in public, as his wife embarrassingly screamed at him. He very calmly requested that she cut it out, but she kept up her tirade, and it upset him that she did it all in front of their impressionable child.
“She’s definitely had a rough go of it lately. She’s just learned that her umpteenth (I’ve lost count) round of IVF has failed, and is also dealing with all the excess hormones she’s been injecting herself with,” he explained.
“She’s gotten passed up for a promotion at work and didn’t get another job at a different company (she has one of the top jobs in the country in her field, but she’s a high achiever).”
“After the birth of our son, she went through horrible PPD and lost her fitness after having qualified for and competing in the world championships for her sport.”
He’s not trying to take anything away from his wife here – he gets why she is so angry. She has a lot of reasons to feel so furious.
He also admits that he’s not a perfect person and can be part of the reason why his wife isn’t her happiest self on occasion.
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However, his wife has been acting in an increasingly deranged and unstable way lately, and he’s extremely concerned.
“She’s thrown our boy (as a baby) down on the couch in frustration. She’s lashed out and told me she finds me unattractive after I lost fitness during the pandemic after the birth of our son (I still hit the gym 2-3x/week, ran weekly 5ks, cycled up to 100km at a time, and fit into medium t-shirts, though I no longer had visible abs),” he added.
“She’s road raged some other woman—even following her to her exit—after some merge dispute. And now this… this pure, unadulterated vitriol.”
His wife has turned into someone who is verbally as well as physically abusive, and that’s a terrifying thing to come to terms with.
Circling back to yesterday, which only serves to underscore her verbal abuse, it shattered his heart to stand there as his son witnessed his wife shouting at him for not agreeing with her parenting. He was hoping for a discussion, not an eruption.
He’s desperately hoping his son will forget about what his wife did and won’t grow up to act like that when he’s an adult one day with a significant other of his own.
So, in light of how his wife has become so undone, he made a big choice, and he didn’t consult with her about it first.
“I’ve just withdrawn my consent for the transfer of our last remaining embryo,” he continued. “We’ve spent…near $100k trying, but I can’t bring another kid into this.”
“She will lash out again, she’ll try apologizing, she might love-bomb me…but I’d never forgive myself if something happened to this kid.”
“…But the last thing she’ll do after all else fails…is resent me, then leave me.”
He crafted a note to his wife informing her of his choice to withdraw consent while saying he understands she’s going through a difficult time.
He added that they need to seek out professional help in the form of individual or couples therapy, and having a second child is something they can’t handle – it will destroy them.
He summed up his message by letting his wife know that he needs her to do one single thing for him in order to stay married to her, and that’s resume therapy (something he will happily fund). He’s hoping a therapist will be able to help them navigate the best path forward.
His wife is livid and accusing him of treating that last embryo like some sort of bargaining piece, which is not his intention here.
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