Katharina Buczek
There’s Always A Casualty In A Breakup
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Quitting anything cold turkey is difficult, but cutting your partner completely out of your life right after a breakup? That can feel impossible.
In the wake of so many shared memories, future goals, and raw love, it’s almost crazy to imagine walking away and never looking back following a split.
Many Exes Struggle With Moving On
That’s why so many exes have a really tough time getting the proper space they need to heal and move on. They might continue calling or texting you, hoping that remaining in touch will provide some semblance of comfort and familiarity.
Here’s How To Help Your Clingy Ex Move On
However, a clingy ex is detrimental in more ways than one. Primarily, if you feed into their desire to stay close to you, you’re not allowing them to move forward. Plus, you cannot even begin your next chapter, either.
So, to benefit both of you, here is how you can help your ex move on.
Avoid These Pitfalls That Drag Out The Grieving Process
I think it’s important to begin by going over all the things you shouldn’t be doing when communicating with your ex. It may seem cruel, but hear me out.
1: Stop Comforting Them
First, you have to stop comforting them and being there for them. It’s only feeding into a vicious cycle that isn’t realistic in the long run. Sure, you were each other’s confidants and shoulders to lean on during your relationship. That’s over now, though, and your ex needs to find a new support system.
If they keep reaching out to you for emotional support, and you continue giving it, it will only strengthen the bond you share and keep you tied together for longer. Your attentiveness and care may even give your ex false hope, which might delay the moving-on process even further.
Then, any attempts at getting more space can feel like you’re going through a breakup all over again.
2: Don’t Reach Out To Them
At the same token, you cannot reach out to them, either. I understand that some exes are able to remain friends, yet there’s a common misconception that this friendship occurs as soon as the relationship ends.
Spoiler alert: that’s usually not true. Exes need time away from each other to process, heal, and get in the groove of their new “normal” before reconnecting.
Your ex has to mourn losing you before they can appreciate you as a friend in their life, so stop contacting them if your split is still fresh.
How To Properly Help Your Ex Move On
With all of that out of the way, we can now focus on proactive and meaningful ways to assist your ex as they try to heal.
1: Provide Closure
Providing closure is, in my opinion, the most important part. You can answer any questions your ex may have and be honest about the reason for your relationship ending.
If you avoid their inquiries or leave them guessing, they won’t be able to fully process the situation.
2: Make A Commitment To Boundaries
Next, make a commitment to draw firm boundaries and give your ex their space. Don’t allow them to make you feel guilty or try to drag you back.
3: Cut Them Off
And even if they don’t want to distance themself from you, take away any other options, such as answering their texts or seeing them. Simply cut them off, no matter how harsh it might seem.
4: Don’t Stir The Pot
Throughout this time, remember to be mindful as well, particularly if you’re able to start your next chapter quicker than they are. You may believe that showing off your new routine or even a new partner on social media will help your ex “get the hint.”
On the contrary, it will probably be painful for them to see and could even cause them to stew over anger or jealousy. So don’t stir the pot.
5: Ask Friends For Help
Finally, if you have mutual friends, you can ask for their assistance, too. They might agree to stop mentioning your breakup, which will avoid reminding your ex about you or your past relationship. And they can hold you accountable as you work to halt communication with your ex as well.
