The Popular Jock Who Bullied Her Wants A Chance To Make Amends Because He Likes Her, But He’s The Reason She’s In Therapy
It took this 27-year-old woman five years to graduate from college with her particular degree, and for four of those years, she routinely got paired up with a popular jock for various projects.
His last name was close to hers, which is how they ended up working together with such frequency. Throughout the first three years of college, her experience with him was absolutely awful, mainly because he acted like a typical jock.
“He was very rude, arrogant, and generally intimidating,” she explained. “For whatever reason, he took a disliking to me within our first few weeks of school, and he went out of his way to be nasty thereafter.”
“It was honestly a really upsetting and traumatic time, and I had to have a lot of support from my family through it. I’m now in therapy about the bullying from him and his friends, amongst other things.”
By the time she hit her third year of college, she was done with this guy bullying her. One day, he was nasty to her in front of some other people, and she put him in his place.
Instantly, he began to treat her differently. He started paying her compliments and, one evening, even flirted with her after having a couple of drinks.
He also seemed to be jealous when she talked to another guy, and he was within hearing range of that conversation.
“So, I figured he’d become attracted to me in some way. As I said, after that incident in our 3rd year, he changed,” she said.
“He never apologized, but he was nice to me. He started referring to me by an endearing nickname. He would have considered us friends, I’m sure. This continued for the rest of 3rd and 4th year. Honestly, I never saw him as a friend.”
T Hover/peopleimages.com – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She tried her best to be courteous, but she couldn’t help but resent him. She was so hurt by how he treated her for years. Although it was great that he stopped his bullying, she kept on feeling uneasy around him.
In the fifth year of their program, which marked the end of their college educations, they got put in separate groups, and she barely saw her bully.
After graduation three years ago, she unfriended him on social media so she could put him in her past.
“As I said, I’m now in therapy and working on my PTSD diagnosis,” she added. “He and his friends are largely responsible for it; I’m not going to sugarcoat it.”
“Imagine near-daily bullying from grown men for 2.5 years of your early formative adult years. I don’t think I need to say how very damaging it can be for a young woman.”
Earlier this week, she attended a conference for her job, and her industry is pretty small. While there, she caught sight of her bully from across the room, and her heart sank.
Suddenly, he spotted her and walked over to say hi. He was clearly happy to see her, and they chit-chatted for a bit before he came to take a seat next to her for two different lectures.
All of that damage he did to her years ago came flooding back over her. She says it’s quite simple to practice forgiving and forgetting when you no longer have to spend any time with the person who hurt you, but it’s different when you’re faced with them.
Having her bully sit beside her and treat her like a friend was strange. What’s even weirder is that he actually considered her to be an old college buddy.
Several other people from their college days were at the conference, and they all agreed to meet up for drinks after the event was done.
Her bully continued to sit next to her for the remainder of the evening, and she was no longer so uncomfortable about it.
“I guess because the initial shock had worn off, and I’d been giving myself mental pep talks for like 4 hours at this point,” she said.
“But then, he shocked me entirely at the bar. He came with me to order a drink and paid for mine. There at the bar, he admitted that he’d like to see me again and that he’d thought about me a lot since we graduated.”
Since she had a bit of liquid courage, she called him out for treating her so poorly in college. He offered up an apology while looking crestfallen.
He stated he thought that was in the past and that they had moved forward before admitting there was no excuse for how he treated her.
She came close to crying with anger after he said sorry, and she asked him why he didn’t apologize sooner.
Remember, he had never said sorry; he just moved on. She walked away from him and went to sit down with their other college companions.
While she didn’t completely ignore him after that, she stayed away from him, and he respected her desire for distance.
Yesterday, she was surprised to get a lengthy text from her bully, who apologized again and said he really thought they moved on.
He also revealed that he started bullying her in the first place after she rejected one of his friends, and that friend got all of his friends to treat her poorly, which she never knew about.
Her bully outlined that he knew that was a bad excuse, but he has grown up now and would like another chance, along with her forgiveness.
“He said that “truthfully” he’s liked me for a long time and that he’d like to go for coffee this weekend to talk this all out,” she continued.
“To be honest, the hurt is so deep. I feel embarrassed knowing his and his friend’s actions have caused me to have PTSD and put me in therapy, whilst he’s been merrily carrying on through life totally unaffected by everything.”
“There are a lot of conflicting emotions. I guess I never felt safe enough [until] now to express how much he’d hurt me. And a part of me wants him to hurt too; I want to reject him hard, but at the same time I feel the angel on my shoulder telling me to forgive and maybe hear him out. I’m thinking, what about all the times he was nice after? What about the times he tried to make you laugh? What if he has truly changed?”
She doesn’t buy that he has changed significantly. She also isn’t sure she could ever picture him in a romantic sense, given their history.
While he is quite charming and handsome, she’ll give him that; she feels like she’s stabbing her younger self in the back by giving him a chance.
Curiosity is leading her to say yes to a coffee date, though she suspects perhaps she’s just suffering from something akin to Stockholm syndrome.
She’s so puzzled over what to do, and her therapist is gone for the next three weeks, so she can’t go to her for help.
Her sister and parents hate her bully, and she knows they would tell her that this guy does not deserve another chance, let alone her forgiveness.
Do you think she should entertain a coffee date with her bully?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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