These reasons and others are all understandable and valid. Still, finding a healthy balance is key to ensuring you don’t unintentionally damage or withdraw from your friendships.
How Harsh Boundaries Can Impact Your Friendships
First and foremost, remember that boundaries are meant to facilitate mutual respect and alleviate one-sidedness. So, you can’t dress up a long list of demands, call them “boundaries,” and get upset when your friends don’t abide by them.
For instance, have you ever felt like your friends didn’t care about you if they weren’t able to work around your schedule? This simply isn’t a boundary; it’s an unfair expectation that isn’t achievable every time you try to make plans.
And if we place such strict standards on our friendships, they aren’t unconditional, and you may end up pushing people you love away.
At the same token, it can be easy to fall into the trap of claiming “boundaries” are the reason why you’re no longer putting much effort into your friendships. You may have been wronged before, with a past family member, friend, or even partner treating your relationship like a one-way street.
So, you promised yourself that you’d never do that again. Instead, you wait for others to initiate and reach out if they want to talk to you, see you, or resolve an issue.
In doing so, you have completely turned the tables, becoming the person who puts in no effort. And it’s not fair to your current friends, who are essentially being punished for the hurt others caused you in the past.
It’s understandable to want to protect yourself, to reverse past patterns. And prioritizing your needs is still important. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show up for your friends.
The most solid friendships consist of an ebb and flow, with both friends being there as life circumstances shift and you each need support.
Finally, going back to that desire for self-protection, you might be too quick to cut a friend out of your life completely after a conflict arises.
