This 23-year-old woman moved to America in order to go to Harvard. She was born in the Middle East, and she recently graduated.
She’s going to be working in healthcare while living in the Northeast. Over the last two or three months, she has been trying out online dating, but the results are different than she expected.
While all the first dates she’s gone on have been good, men keep worrying about her only wanting a green card out of them.
Many of the men she meets want to know about her immigration status on date one, which has been shocking to her.
She wants a serious relationship, so she gets why men are concerned, but she can’t get over how jarring and forward it is.
“Their questions sometimes come off in a way that suggests they are wondering if I’m dating them for a “green card marriage,” she explained.
This also occurs with guys she meets in person. No matter where she meets a guy, her immigration status comes up within the first three questions they ask.
She’s upset that so many men think that because she’s foreign, she only wants to date them in order to remain in America.
“This has been very insulting to me,” she said. “I’m an educated person, worked extremely hard in college to graduate with great academic records, and am planning on getting an NIW green card (green card awarded based on scientific merits) and am morally against the green card marriage.”
Fotoluminate LLC – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“In my culture and to me personally, marriage is very sacred. Another thing is that with a lot of these men (who are educated, well-off, attractive, etc), they show a lot of concern about my future career, status, etc.”
She did end up dating a guy for a whole month before he dumped her. His reason was he didn’t want her working in healthcare since it is stressful and requires her to move a ton.
This man expected her to want to remain at home and care for children instead of pursuing a career, so they just weren’t compatible with their goals.
She’s left wondering why she’s been so unlucky in love and if it has anything to do with her doing something wrong.
She does date a lot of men who are more interested in foreign women, as they perceive them to be more “family-oriented” and “feminine.”
But it surprises her that these guys don’t stop to think that foreign women don’t necessarily have permanent residence in America. She just doesn’t get the logic with these guys.
“I plan on getting the NIW green card, which means I need a good career, so if an American man wants a woman that stays home and also is afraid that she is after his green card, shouldn’t he just not date educated foreigners?” she wondered.
“I’m starting to wonder if most American men truly think foreign women date them for paperwork or if I’m choosing wrong/coming across as [not] genuine. Does anyone have any experience regarding this they could share?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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