Bre Avery Zacharski
“My first reaction was WTF. I told him that’s really insulting, and how…can he say that about his own child, and why didn’t he think about this earlier before he married and had kids with me. I just bluntly told him we’ve all seen the eye charts in biology class in school, usually brown eyes dominate.”
She can’t understand why her husband leaked this all out so far after the birth of their daughter if he clearly has felt this way for years.
What’s even worse is that they have been arguing about this since the year started, and her husband circles back to the same ultimatum: get divorced or allow him to use an egg donor so he can have a child with blonde hair and blue eyes.
She has attempted to go to therapy with her husband in an effort to work through this and get some of her questions answered.
Namely, she wants him to think about how their daughter would feel knowing he doesn’t have a connection to her because of her appearance.
She also wants her husband to work through how his potential egg donor child would feel about this and what their loved ones will think when they learn the truth.
Another thing she found out is that her husband expects an egg donor child to have his exact same personality: nature-loving, quiet, and analytical.
“I personally don’t think you can dictate/impact another human’s personality,” she said. “Moreover, It’s not a great reason to have children.”
“I have told both his parents, and they’ve tried to talk to him. He is very adamant that this child will be the answer to his negative feelings about his family. My opinion: It’s very insulting. If he’s got microaggressions he wants to discuss, why hasn’t he come to me?”
“I’d hope that the one person who accepts me as myself in my adoptive country would be my husband. But frankly, it does not feel like the case here. I feel like the conflict of ‘being foreign’ is being passed on to my child now, and sadly, by the other person who should love and accept her the most: the other parent.”
She’s tried her best to be open to her husband’s desire for an egg donor child that looks like him, but she can’t get over how superficial and shallow that is.
