She’s Discussing How You Can Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Emily Chan |

May 1, 2023

gpointstudio - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual child

Are you struggling to keep your toddler’s aggressive behavior at bay? When you’re a parent, seeing your sweet, angelic baby hitting another child can be scary and upsetting.

It’s natural to panic and yell, but those are exactly the kinds of actions you want to avoid. A TikToker who goes by the handle @biglittlefeelings is helping parents arm themselves with the knowledge and tools they need to break the pattern of hitting.

Getting your toddler to stop swinging their fists does not involve threatening, shaming, or coming in hot with a stern “no!”

When you blow up or lose your cool in front of your kid, a few things will happen, and neither are the desired outcomes.

For a toddler, a big reaction can feel exciting and fun. It gives them the attention they crave from their parents. Therefore, you might be accidentally reinforcing the behavior to occur more often rather than preventing it.

Or it can make your already emotional toddler even more volatile and temperamental. It’s like adding fuel to the fire.

When you go in the opposite direction and do nothing about your toddler’s tendency to hit, they will learn that hitting is okay.

As adults, we can recognize what we’re feeling in the moment, take a step back, and redirect the feelings using our coping skills. That could look like talking it out or going for a walk around the block.

The brains of toddlers aren’t fully developed yet, so they don’t have the ability of emotional regulation as we do. As a result, they lack the skills and insight to navigate their emotions.

gpointstudio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual child

So how do you stop the hitting? The good news is that as a parent, you can provide them with the tools they need to practice impulse control, leading to better behavior.

Here’s what you do. Come in calm, confident, and cool. Validate the feelings but not the actions and establish the boundary.

Tell your child that it’s okay to feel mad, but it’s not okay to hit. So to keep everyone safe, you will move the other child/sibling away out of reach.

Later, once your kid is calm, go back to that moment and talk about what they were feeling and how they can appropriately express their emotions next time.

Teach them coping skills like taking deep breaths. And finally, whenever you see your toddler practicing coping skills or engaging in good behavior, make a big deal out of it and compliment them. Give attention to the positives, not just the negatives.

It won’t be perfect every time, but the goal is progress, not perfection!

@biglittlefeelings

There’s no denying it: seeing your toddler hit can be REALLY scary/triggering as a parent. ? It’s natural to panic, yell, “NO stop! NO!” + want to give out a big bad punishment for a big bad behavior. But, hear us out. Your toddler is constantly craving your attention. So, when you give a big reaction to hitting, they’re not going to remember the punishment or the anger. They’re going to remember, “Ooh hitting made mommy pay attention to me! Let’s do that again!” ? The more attention you give to a behavior, that’s the behavior you’ll see more of. So, if you have a big, huge reaction to hitting? Guess what you’ll see more of: Hitting. Toddler’s brains aren’t fully developed yet, so they don’t have the mental ability to think, “I’m feeling mad. I’m going to take a deep breath and then tell them what I want/need.” The good news? We can teach impulse control & better behavior. We can teach our child that their FEELING (anger) is ok. And their BEHAVIOR (hitting) is not. Here’s your go-to game plan: 1?? Stay calm in the moment. Let your calm be contagious when your child is in a heightened moment. 2?? OK the Feeling. “You’re feeling angry/sad/silly right now. It’s OK to feel angry/silly/sad.” 3??Hold the Boundary. “It’s not OK to hit. I’m going to move your sister over here to keep everyone safe.” 4?? Teach Coping Skills after the moment has passed. Teach coping skills during a calm, unrelated moment—when the ? learns best. Lastly, remember how toddlers want our attention more than ANYTHING? We can leverage that by doing what we call “Spotlight the Right.” So when your toddler is playing gently, or they use coping skills instead of hitting, make a BIG deal to see more of that behavior. “Yes! You’re playing so gently with your sister!” “Yay! You took some deep tiger breaths instead of hitting!” ?Struggling with aggressive behavior? Want to teach coping skills + learn to discipline in a way that WORKS? Our course, Winning the Toddler Stage, is here to help! For parents/caregivers with kids ages 1-6. Link in bio!? #toddlers #hitting #discipline #respectfulparenting #copingskills #emotionalresilience #resilientkids #mindfulparenting #biglittlefeelings

? original sound – Big Little Feelings