Her Boyfriend Happens To Be The Primary Caregiver For His Ex, And She’s Worried What People Will Think About This Unique Relationship
A 38-year-old woman is in a relationship with a man who is 2 years older than her. She first met her boyfriend, Dave, via some of their mutual friends.
She and Dave wound up going out on several dates together, and she thought there definitely was an instant spark between them.
At the time, Dave had recently broken up with his ex, Molly, whom he dated for a year and a half.
“I didn’t pay much attention to it until a few dates in, when Dave arrived broken and full of sorrow, telling me that Molly was diagnosed with cancer,” she explained.
“During the days after that, he decided that he wants to take care of her during her battle with cancer and moved back into their former apartment (in which she still lived).”
“They were living in separate rooms and all, not romantically, but he was there during doctor appointments and hospitalizations, and also was there for her as a friend and someone who can support her.”
“Back then, he was hoping that after a year or so, she would overcome the disease, and then he will be able to continue with his life.”
While she was sympathetic to Dave’s decision, it was more than she was capable of dealing with, so they broke up on good terms.
She met another man, proceeded to get married, and then things ended in divorce for her about 2 years ago.
Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
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This year marks 10 years since she originally had been introduced to Dave, and throughout the last decade, they were not regularly in touch, though they did speak occasionally.
“Through those chats, I learned that the situation was worse than he originally hoped for,” she said.
“It took Molly a couple of years till she went into remission, but sometime after, the cancer came back, and after additional treatments, went again into remission.”
“Through this time, her health and emotional state deteriorated significantly, to the point that now she needs help with many of the everyday activities. Through all these years, Dave was by her side, though romantically, their relationship never rekindled.”
Anyway, a little over one year ago, Dave asked her if they could get together, and she agreed. When she saw him for the first time in 10 years, he really surprised her.
She was caught off-guard as she realized he was so much different than the man she dated all those years ago.
He seemed older; depressed. What he had been through with Molly certainly took a toll on him. As they were getting up to speed with one another, Dave revealed that he got his own place, which he lives in for half of the week while living at Molly’s the other half, and he’s trying to rebuild his life without Molly completely in the picture.
He thinks this living arrangement allows him to support Molly while also having his life outside of her and caring for her. He does completely see Molly as his responsibility to care for, much like you would a child.
“I respected him a lot for the decisions he took and the way he cared for her,” she continued. “I think not many people would have done that.”
“We started to meet more often, and to make a long story short, our romantic relationship rekindled. I have recently moved into his apartment, and so we spend together half of the weekdays in which he lives there (the other half he still spends in Molly’s apartment).”
“It is obvious to me that from the outside, this arrangement may look odd. I guess since I have the context of his history and this entire process was quite gradual, it feels less odd to me.”
Now, she doesn’t want to have children, and neither does Dave, and on top of that, her career keeps her very occupied, so she’s fine with their somewhat strange relationship.
Dave’s parents know about their relationship, which they do support, and several of her friends and Dave’s friends are aware of what’s going on, too, however, a lot of people do not know about their unusual arrangement.
She hasn’t yet discussed her relationship with her parents, and she is wanting to be more open about how she and Dave are living their lives, but she’s not sure how to tell people about them.
She isn’t sure if she should just be vague about her and Dave and keep people mostly in the dark about their arrangement.
She’s worried that by giving out the details, people will either think badly about her for being in a relationship with someone that’s a caregiver for his ex-girlfriend…or that people will think she’s in some kind of bizarre love triangle.
She really doesn’t know how to tell people about the reality of her relationship with Dave.
How would you feel in this situation?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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