Why We Tend To Hate Our Partner’s Exes, And How To Stop These Negative Emotions From Ruining Our Own Relationship

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.

If you claim to have never hated one of your partner’s exes, you are probably lying. You may have never even met an ex before– and they very well may be the sweetest person in the world. Yet, for some reason, we tend to hate the people who were with our partners in the past.

With the Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez drama dominating our social feeds, it has become clear that the phenomenon affects even the most famous celebs, too.

So, why do we really hate our partner’s exes? Unfortunately, it is usually more of an “us” problem.

Why We Hate Our Partner’s Exes

The truth is that underneath our hatred, there are usually a few main reasons why you automatically feel disdain for your partner’s exes: insecurity, competition, and jealousy.

Let’s start with insecurity. If you tend to be an insecure person, that means you are more likely to idealize other people. And when it comes to your partner’s ex, you may think of them as a smart, beautiful, and generally perfect person who, in your mind, you just can’t compare to.

This can lead to feelings of unworthiness, or you may even start to feel threatened by your partner’s ex– questioning why your partner would pick you or if they really even love you.

Another reason that may be at the root of your hatred is competition. In your subconscious, you may feel like you have to compete with the ex– proving you are more worthy and superior in all different areas of life.