This woman and her husband got married about eight years ago and have since had two children together– who are now five and seven years old.
But, before they met, her husband had been in a previous marriage in which he had two children. So, after he remarried, she became the stepmom of two older kids as well– who are now fifteen and sixteen.
And in blending their families and four kids together, she has realized that her stepkids have some complicated feelings about the divorce between her husband and his ex-wife.
Honestly, though, she was a child of divorce herself– so she completely understands these mixed emotions.
And recently, she was forced to tackle these feelings amongst her kids head-on after her stepson completed a writing assignment.
It all began after her stepson had to write about the worst thing that had ever happened to him in his life. And he ultimately wrote the divorce of his parents– which, quite frankly, really worried her husband.
“My husband was concerned that despite being so young and after a decade, his son still feels that is the worst thing to happen to him,” she revealed.
On top of that, she also learned that her stepdaughter feels the same way, too– since her stepdaughter was honest with her husband while he spoke to her stepson.
So, her husband and his two children ultimately had a conversation about everything. The problem was, though, that the discussion occurred at home– and her two younger children overheard their stepsiblings telling her husband that they wished he and his ex had not fallen out of love and had wanted to stay together.
Galina Zhigalova – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
And being just five and seven years old, this seriously upset her children– who ended up taking the comments a lot more personally than they were meant.
In fact, later that night, her two kids actually asked why their stepsiblings did not love their family and why they did not want them.
Of course, hearing that from her two children broke her heart, and she ended up asking where they ever got that from.
Then, after her daughter revealed that they had overheard the conversation– and drawn the conclusion that their stepsiblings’ words meant they were not loved or wanted– she decided to have a real and honest conversation with her seven and five-year-old.
“I told them that’s not true, and I asked them to put themselves into their siblings’ shoes,” she said before trying to explain divorce in an age-appropriate way.
“[I asked] what if daddy and I were no longer together– how would they feel, and they answered ‘sad.’ I asked if they would be happy we divorced if daddy remarried and they had siblings from him and a stepmom and they said no.”
So, she then tried to explain that that is exactly how their older stepsiblings feel. At first, her kids did try to claim it was a bit different because it was their family.
But she reiterated that the situation might feel that way to them. However, for their older stepsiblings, it is not the same.
Afterward, her two young kiddos also tried to better understand the situation by drawing a comparison to their grandparents– who are her parents– and asking if she had felt the same way about their divorce.
She was very honest, too, and claimed that when her parents got divorced, she was also sad.
“I said I didn’t want them to be miserable together but that a part of me would always wish my parents had been a better couple together,” she admitted.
And apparently, her transparency really resonated with her kids. The following day, she checked in with them, and they appeared to be feeling much better.
Her stepchildren also thanked her for being so understanding and for explaining it to the little ones– since they believe that they might have hurt their little stepsiblings’ feelings had they tried to explain the situation.
At that point, she also took the time to talk to her stepchildren, too. She told them that they should never feel ashamed of their feelings surrounding their parent’s divorce.
“And that they are normal and being kids of divorce is something not everyone fully understands,” she added.
So, everything was all good at home for a while after that. Well, that was until her younger children ended up discussing their conversation with her in-laws, and her in-laws apparently “blew a fuse.”
In fact, they claimed that it was wholly inappropriate for her to have such a mature conversation with young children and accused her of making the children think it is okay to not accept change and believe parents “owe it to their kids” to stay together.
Her husband did take her side, at least, and told his parents that they were overexaggerating and seriously overreacting about what happened. In spite of her husband supporting her, though, she has now started to question the parenting decision she made. So now, she has been left wondering if having her kids put themselves in her stepchildren’s shoes was the right way to handle the situation or not.
If her children were already aware of the situation and clearly upset, isn’t it best that she addressed it and sensitively explained their stepsiblings’ feelings? Would it have been worse to leave the situation and allow her kids to feel unloved or unwanted? Is there a certain age when these conversations become “appropriate,” or is it based on circumstance? If you had been in her shoes, would you have handled the situation differently?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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