According to this twenty-eight-year-old guy, his attraction to women has always been based on how compatible their personalities are.
For instance, he claims to look at three key factors: how responsible a love interest is, whether or not they treat people with kindness, and if they have healthy habits.
But, since getting into a serious relationship with his girlfriend, weight has appeared to pop up on that list, too.
He met his girlfriend about six years ago, and at that time, she was reportedly already on the “higher end” of his “weight threshold.”
“But, she ticked so many boxes. More than anyone, ever. A dream come true,” he recalled.
Over the past four years, though, he claims that his girlfriend has been gradually putting on weight– and it is apparently really freaking him out.
First of all, they are barely intimate anymore. In fact, they are only together romantically about three times a year now– a reality he is confident is tied to her weight gain.
His girlfriend is now reportedly bordering on obese with a body mass index (BMI) of twenty-nine, which he admits to finding fairly unattractive.
“But I have learned to be as sensitive and empathetic as possible,” he said.
T.Den_Team – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
This became particularly important after his girlfriend tried to lose weight pre-COVID-19 and a personal trainer put her on a six hundred-calorie deficit.
This dieting apparently really messed up her dependence on food, and she struggled with comfort eating and binging.
According to him, his girlfriend has since recovered from that experience for the most part. However, because it was scarring, she did not want to go back to counting calories to lose weight.
So, he decided to step in and help his girlfriend lose weight– because he admitted to feeling much more attracted to her when she is working on healthy habits.
Primarily, he decided to take care of most of the grocery shopping since his girlfriend does not really trust herself not to buy calorie-packed foods.
He claims this game plan is not foolproof, though, since sweets somehow always end up in their house– whether that’s because his girlfriend picks them up while shopping separately or they receive them as gifts.
Second, he does all of the cooking and meal prep for her healthy dishes for the week. He also completes most of the household chores in order for his girlfriend to have more energy.
“We have also agreed that I should ask her if she is mindlessly eating, for instance, when we watch something after dinner and she will just continually eat without realizing,” he explained.
“I will often feel sick or cry privately when she does this.”
Finally, he believes that leading by example is key to helping his girlfriend reach her goals. In turn, he goes to the gym often, calorie counts to maintain a three hundred calorie deficit and shed his own COVID-19 weight gain in three months.
Now, though, he and his girlfriend are entering a much more serious phase of their relationship– they are in the process of buying a house.
And because of his girlfriend’s consistent weight gain, he has been literally freaking out and having panic attacks over making that commitment.
His fear might stem back to his childhood, in which he had one parent who was overweight and recently developed serious heart problems.
“I don’t want to be alone by the time I am sixty to seventy, having lived a life with a partner that gave up on their body and is fat their whole life. I just can’t bear to think about what a waste of life for both of us that would be,” he vented.
And recently, he has begun to feel like his girlfriend will never change. Apparently, she was going through a very stressful Ph.D. program for a while, and he figured she would change her habits after finishing it.
To his dismay, though, his girlfriend took on a stressful job with long hours afterward, so she has even less energy.
And quite honestly, he believes that there will always be an excuse going forward as to why she cannot lose weight.
Still, he realizes that his girlfriend is his best friend and does not want to lose her. He also is seriously embarrassed that he was never honest about his true feelings all these years.
In fact, the last time that he got upset, his girlfriend apparently asked him if he would break up with her over the weight.
And he admits to being dishonest and telling her no. At this point in time, though, he is not sure if he can lie anymore.
“I think my ideal world would be having someone that wants to maintain a healthy weight and good body their whole life. I don’t know if I’m just being stupid waiting. This is the only (admittedly, massive) snag in the relationship,” he revealed.
So now, he is just not sure what to do about their future. On the one hand, he does not want to end up like his parents.
On the other hand, he feels like he should perhaps just give his girlfriend more time to work on herself– especially because it is basically too late to back out of the house purchase now.
Still, he has been left wondering what to do and is open to any advice on how he should move forward in his relationship.
Do you believe that your partner’s appearance would, or should, be enough to ruin a relationship that is otherwise perfect? Do you think this is more about his girlfriend’s weight or his personal traumas and fears? Is it fair to want your partner to be the best version of themselves– and if so, how much can you expect from them? What relationship advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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