A 29-year-old woman is married to her 33-year-old husband. Her husband is the one who makes all of the money in their household, and she’s a stay-at-home mom.
She used to have a job too, but after suffering from some medical issues, she had to give up working.
“As a result, I don’t have what they call fun money or money to spend however I want,” she explained.
“My husband gives me money only to spend on the house or the kids but that’s that. I might borrow money here and there or try to figure something out if I needed essential stuff like hygiene products.”
“This Christmas my husband gave me $600 dollars as my Christmas gift. I freaked out thinking I now have to get him a decent gift to match his.”
“So I went shopping and got him the most affordable thing on his wish-list which was a $180 dollar pair of sneakers with his favorite color.”
She didn’t give her husband the Christmas present she thoughtfully picked out for him until they went to his mom and dad’s house on Christmas Day.
As everyone was opening up their presents, she gave her gift to her husband, and when he opened it, he looked furious.
She asked her husband what was wrong, and he told her that he couldn’t believe she wasted her money on the cheapest thing he had on his Christmas list.
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“I said it’s all I could afford and he literally lashed out and said “bull! I gave you $600 dollars that’s about the right price for a new gaming console and it was right there at the top of my wishlist!”
“He said it in front of his parents!! It was so so awkward I felt so horrible I wanted to disappear.”
“But I apologized and said I was sorry but I had other stuff I needed to buy and money wasn’t enough.”
Her husband accused her of not being responsible with money, before lacing into her for struggling with finances.
She did point out to her husband that the only reason she doesn’t have a full-time job is because of her medical problems, not because she can’t be responsible with money.
She then told her husband that he very well could get the gaming console that he wanted with his own money, but he refused to do that for fear of people judging him for buying himself a Christmas gift.
This all went down in front of her husband’s parents, who attempted to intervene, without success. Her husband kept berating her, before saying that she ruined Christmas for him.
After that, he walked upstairs and refused to speak to her until they had gone home, at which point it wasn’t talking it was fighting over the present all over again.
“He kept repeating that he was disappointed and that I ruined Christmas for him saying “good job screwing up” even after I pointed out how rude it was of him to react like that in front of his parents,” she continued.
Now, her husband expects her to apologize to him, and she’s left wondering if she really should.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Your husband is abusing you. This is literally financial abuse. You deserve money to spend on yourself, doesn’t matter if you don’t make a salary; you still do work keeping house.”
“Not only that, but yelling at you like that at all, but especially in front of people is also abusive. PLEASE look into getting disability or unemployment and get AWAY from him!!!”
“I’m also the breadwinner for my family and if I gave my s/o money as a gift that would be her money. If she didn’t spend a penny on me, I wouldn’t be upset because it was HER money.”
“I also tell my s/o to pick whatever she wants for me for Christmas and take it directly out of the checking account, which she has full access to whenever she wants or needs it.”
“You’re 100% NOT the asshole in this situation and I’m sorry you’re going through that. Also, if $180 sneakers is wasteful spending, then a $600 game console is definitely not what I would consider a cheap (not wasteful) gift.”
“So his gift to you was the ability to buy him the gift he wanted?? You need to get out now, this sounds highly abusive.”
“If he’s giving you $600 and expects it to be used all in him, then that’s no gift. At least he “got something” even though he expected you to go without.”
“And is he your husband? Or your whiny teenager?”
“Your husband is financially abusing you, then gaslighting you to make you think you’re the problem. You’re not.”
“Please try and get some kind of help because this situation is unhealthy and it’s not going to get any better.”
“He is keeping you completely financially dependent on him and is even gaslighting into thinking this is normal and he is right.”
“Since you do all the work around the house, I assume, “his” income is, in fact, your shared income, and he should give you access to part of it for your expenses.”
“If you want/ need to stay with him, I’d draw up a financial budget that included some weekly “wild” money for you – maybe make it the equivalent of what a household manager would cost for all the work you do around the house.”
“And if he completely refuses to do that, I guess you’ll have to figure out whether you could make it on your own, or maybe move back with your family for a while, or whether you are prepared to go on living like this. But be at least conscious of what an a-hole he is, and that his behavior is not right or fair.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.