This Dad Wants The Internet To Tell Him If It’s Wrong To Let His Son Keep The Ashes Of His Twin Who Passed Away
A dad and his wife had three children, an older girl named Jane, and twin boys named Castor and Pollux, but one of their twin boys passed away a few years ago.
“Castor died unexpectedly about 5 years ago and so we chose to have him cremated,” this dad explained.
“His urn was always in a common area of the house. Our daughter, Jane [24] was the first to move out a few years ago, whereas Pollux [almost 21] moved out more recently.”
“When moving out, Pollux asked if he could take his twin’s ashes with him. My wife and I agreed with no hesitation because he was, in the family, the person who was the most impacted by Pollux’s death. Words cannot begin to describe how close they were.”
Pollux was so distraught after Castor’s passing that he didn’t speak a single word for months afterward.
Although it’s been years now since Castor passed away, Pollux has spent every single day meditating for an hour in front of his twin brother’s urn.
“Additionally, the boys always said and promised to each other that they would move out together and be roommates when they grow up so we thought it would only be right to grant him this wish,” this dad said.
So, that’s exactly what he and his wife did; they let Pollux move out and take Castor with him.
They didn’t think this was an issue at all, but Jane did. Initially, she never noticed that Castor’s urn was no longer in their family home.
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During her second visit home, she then wondered if Castor’s urn had been placed somewhere else in their home.
Well, this dad and his wife didn’t lie about where he was; they told Jane that Pollux took him when he moved out, and it was fulfilling their promise of living with each other.
Jane absolutely lost it on her parents, screaming at them that it wasn’t their place to do that. This dad tried to say to Jane that all she needs to do is stop by Pollux’s place to see Castor, but she didn’t want to hear it.
She accused her parents of being “unfair” and she stormed out of their house. Given the fact that Jane has the type of personality that’s a bit on the explosive side, this dad wasn’t that surprised by how she acted.
He figured she would be over all this pretty quickly, but then Pollux revealed that she’s been calling him up and saying awful things to him while arguing about Castor.
“Some of my family members have suggested we just take the urn back home with us if only to restore the peace but I feel like this is also about what Castor would have wanted,” he continued.
“He wasn’t expecting to die so he obviously didn’t write a will but I’m 100% sure he would’ve wanted to stay with his brother. Even Jane agrees but “he’s too dead to care”.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Jane either needs counseling or she needs to check herself. At 24, she should know better than to throw a tantrum when she is unhappy with a decision you’ve made.”
“It sounds to me like she either has unresolved trauma from her brother’s death and/or lingering, unspoken resentment about how she was treated as a child relative to her younger brothers.”
“I say this with a genuine heart but it sounds like your daughter needs therapy. And your son doesn’t deserve more trauma by her inability to handle her feelings.”
“Overall it sounds like she ended up feeling left out of a twin thing that she’s probably struggled with since they were born. She needs therapy.”
“Your daughter probably feels left out as the ‘non-twin’ and with the 3 of you (parents and brother) making this decision without her input.”
“He was her brother too after all. It would probably have been kinder to discuss it as a family however you’re his parents and get to make that decision regardless of anyone else.”
“Grief affects people in different and sometimes unexpected ways. Jane may be feeling that since you and Pollux made this decision together, that she has been excluded from an important family moment concerning her deceased brother.”
“She may be feeling that you think she loved him less and didn’t need to be included.”
“I mean, I don’t know any of y’all, but considering she was the odd-one-out when both twins were alive, this may even replicate feelings she’s had for a long time. Is any of that possible?”
“I think letting Pollux keep the ashes is totally reasonable, but it should have been a family discussion to get to that point.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.
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