A woman and her family just had the first Thanksgiving together since her brother-in-law passed away in his 30s after suffering from a terrible medical condition.
Her brother-in-law, her sister, and their children always spent Thanksgiving at her mom and dad’s house.
Understandably, her sister and her sister’s children are still devastated by the loss of her brother-in-law, so she wasn’t positive they were going to be at Thanksgiving this year.
She was quite astonished to see them on her mom and dad’s front doorstep on Thanksgiving day, just as they were sitting down to have dinner together, but everyone was thrilled they made it.
Her sister and her sister’s children took seats at the dinner table, and everyone began enjoying dinner.
The conversation between all of her family members was casual, but then her husband stopped chatting and pointed a finger at the chair that sat empty.
“Damn, that’s where Thomas used to sit wearing that same brown trucker jacket and talk about his plans for the future even when sick,” her husband then said.
“I looked at my sister and saw her grudgingly staring at him as he went on to speak to the kids directly asking if they miss daddy and they noded,” she explained.
“He then looked at my sister then back at the kids and said, “Oh please don’t be so sad because Daddy’s just gone to sleep just like we all do…except that he won’t ever wake up.” We were all shocked as my niece started crying suddenly and my sister got up from her chair and started unloading on my husband calling him an idiot and that he should’ve kept his mouth shut and not talk to the kids like that.”
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Her husband stood up out of his chair and immediately started getting into a fight with her sister. She stepped in, trying to get them each to remain calm, but her sister demanded that her kids get their coats because they were leaving.
She attempted to get her sister to stay, following behind as her sister and kids got into the car, but her sister insisted she had to leave them all alone.
So, she turned around and walked back into her mom and dad’s house, where her husband mentioned he said what he said in an effort to provide the kids with some kind of comfort.
Her husband couldn’t understand why her sister got upset.
“I was pretty upset and later at night my sister called saying her kids are now traumatized and terrified of sleeping thinking they too won’t wake up just like their dad after what my husband told them,” she continued.
“I said oh my God I’m so sorry then literally got into a big argument with him as he tried to say he’s the victim and my sister was overstepping by calling him an idiot and humiliating him in front of the whole family I said he deserved to be called an idiot and more after the messed up line he told the kids and let him know that he just traumatized his niece and nephew while this whole situation was preventable.”
After that, her husband stormed out of their apartment, while telling her everyone was not being fair to him and maintaining his innocence.
Her husband firmly believes she should have been on his side, and he’s not thrilled that she isn’t.
She added that her husband never liked her brother-in-law and they both were far from close to each other, which is why she was so shocked her husband brought him up at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
The majority of her family members feel he said what he did malevolently, and not with good intentions at all. Her husband is obviously denying this and claiming he’s the victim here.
“Here’s the thing and I’m just going to be completely honest here…I really am struggling to believe he had good intentions especially given the fact that he always disliked my BIL (Thomas) without saying why exactly,” she wrote.
“But he did say that Thomas and my sister’s marriage was not going to work because when Thomas met my sister she was already engaged but she didn’t get with him till she broke things off with her ex who turned into an abusive stalker and harrassed my sister to the point of getting an RO.”
“My husband says Thomas’s illness and every issue they had to deal with was some sort of “karma” for cheating which is wrong and unacceptable. He once told Thomas this to his face while Thomas was out of the hospital.”
“Also while Thomas was struggling with illness my husband complained about me helping my sister and offering care for the children along with other issues which made his relationship with my sister and Thomas even worse, so all that makes me think he said what he said to be malicious and I agreed and sided with my sister and family.”
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“No. He’s not an idiot. From what I gather, this was intentional. He’s apparently never liked this BIL and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was lying about it not being malicious.”
“No one “accidentally” says stuff like that to a child and even then no one who really didn’t mean it wouldn’t be doubling down after hearing about exactly how hurt and traumatized his victims were.”
“That sort of malice only comes from someone intending to do harm.”
“At first I thought: okay he messed up, but it was a genuine mistake, we all make mistakes and sometimes misunderstand how to act socially.”
“Then we came to the part where he’s making himself into a victim. Does he often do this in arguments? Turn things after he’s done wrong, so that you end up apologizing?”
“I’m leaning more towards sociopathic. I don’t believe there is any way somebody could be this obtuse. This has to be intentional cruelty for his own amusement.”
“Unless you’re willing to lose your sister and the rest of the family, you need to either get your husband to apologize and see what he did wrong or leave him.”
“You may think that it’s not malicious, but you’re absolutely wrong–he didn’t like your BIL, he made the choice to drag his memory through the mud.”
“NTA. Honestly, he better have some extremely redeeming characteristics if you’re willing to keep someone like that around. You do not owe undying loyalty to your partner when they’ve clearly crossed multiple lines.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.