A woman and her husband who are in their early 30s have been with one another for more than 10 years, and during that time, they decided it was best for them to never have any children of their own.
She says that she does enjoy being around children, especially the ones in their family, but she and her husband don’t feel the desire to be parents.
Now, both of their families do know about their choice to not have children, since they have brought the subject up at various gatherings; someone even wanted to discuss it at their wedding.
Not too long ago, they purchased a brand new house that has 3 bedrooms and a big backyard.
They had a housewarming party to celebrate, and they invited their friends and family members over to see it.
At their party, someone who is married to one of her husband’s siblings, named Alex, started talking about how their new house would be perfect for kids.
Alex then got around to outright asking when they planned to start their family and have children in front of the other guests.
“I made a lighthearted joke about it, which is my go-to for this question. “Oh, well, I like sushi too much to have to give it up for a pregnancy,” she explained.
She then joked about having to hold off on alcohol, and she did her very best to make the question a non-issue.
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“Most people just laughed along,” she said. “That seemed to anger Alex and I was told “children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else”. I agreed, ‘children are a joy, I like spending time with the nieces and nephews, and obviously, I can’t be a good mom if I chose sushi over kids so I just won’t be a mom’ (paraphrased).”
“Still trying to brush it off in a gentle way because I’m not trying to start a fight by telling them to stop asking in front of everyone because I know my tone will be seen as rude and abrasive.”
The conversation continued on to something else, but Alex wasn’t about to let this go.
Alex began saying things to other people at the party that were not very nice about her. Her husband happened to catch something Alex had said, and he tried to joke with Alex about the situation.
Alex just got more upset, but eventually ceased with the commenting. The party ended, and they had no idea Alex was going to be holding a grudge about it.
They found out when Alex did not invite them to the Halloween party they have every year, and so her husband reached out to his mom and dad to talk to them about it.
Her husband’s parents said that Alex was still upset, and felt they were cold and unfeeling about not wanting children.
Alex had to go through many fertility treatments to be able to have children, and Alex did struggle with multiple miscarriages during that time.
She maintains that she knows it was hard for Alex to go through the process of trying for children, but that doesn’t change the fact that she herself does not want them, and she’s sick of having to defend her decision to people.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“I’ve never understood why the default is always “when are you having kids.” Shouldn’t people make an active decision to have kids based on their individual lives and whatnot?”
“Nobody asks pregnant couples why they decided to have kids. It’s always child-free folks that have to defend their choice. And I agree this is the weirdest comment I’ve read to someone who doesn’t want to be a parent.”
“Some days I feel like putting my kids before a bus. But then I come to my senses.”
“I hate the kind of people thinking you have to explain your choice not to have children to anyone who asks. My only answer is always: “Because I don’t want them.” My detailed reasons are mine and my partner’s private business.”
“I don’t defend myself for a basic, totally private life decision that no one should be shamed for. I don’t ask anyone who wants kids for their reasons either, because it’d be rude…”
“I empathize with people who have difficulty having children. But that empathy stops the moment they start acting like the rest of us are obligated to have kids simply because of their problems.”
“You don’t get to be mad or offended by someone else’s choice not to have kids, and especially not when you’re the one who keeps bringing the issue up in the first place.”
“My go-to funny answer to that question is, “I also like dolphins but I don’t have one of those either”. Alex is taking this way too personally.”
“I desperately wanted kids, went through four years of fertility treatments, and finally had my baby recently. My sister adamantly doesn’t want children and makes similar jokes…”
“I’ve never found them offensive. Honestly, when going through infertility, it was all the pregnancy announcements that were hard. It wasn’t people NOT having children that bothered me – it was the people who were while I couldn’t (and I still wouldn’t have said anything).”
“Now that I’m past it and have my baby, I don’t care what anyone else does. My sister not wanting kids doesn’t affect me. She’s a wonderful aunt, and that’s awesome, and she’s happy with her life.”
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Alex was being nosey and rude, and you treated their obnoxious intrusion into your personal, private lives with far more grace than it really deserved.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say to her here.