A 31-year-old woman is currently married to her 35-year-old second husband, they have twin boys on the way.
Although this is certainly something to be joyous about, her first husband’s mother is irate with her for not wanting to name one of her newborns after her husband Michael who passed away.
She met Michael, her first husband, when they were back in college together. They remained a couple even after they graduated, and then they got married.
Sadly, she and Michael spent only a few months together as a married couple, and then he very unexpectedly passed.
It’s now been a decade since he has been gone.
“It was one of the worst times in my life and I never thought that I would ever fall in love again, much less get married again or have a family,” she explained.
After Michael’s passing, she stayed quite close with her mother-in-law. When it came time for her to try out dating, her mother-in-law was accepting of her choice to move on.
She eventually met John, her second husband whom she is currently married to, and she made sure that her mother-in-law was able to meet him pretty soon into their relationship.
“She was so excited to meet him and I remember going to the bathroom and crying tears of relief that she wasn’t angry at me for moving on,” she remembered.
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John popped the question to her, and they became married. She invited her mother-in-law to her wedding, and her mother-in-law said to her that she knows that Michael is happy for her to have John.
It meant the world to her that her mother-in-law took the time to say that on her special day, but now her mother-in-law has stopped being supportive of her life choices.
When she discovered that she was pregnant, her mother-in-law was initially over the moon about getting to be a grandma to her children too.
However, when the discussion of what she was planning on naming her child was brought up (at this point in time, she did not know she was carrying twins), her mother-in-law couldn’t believe she was not going to name the baby Michael.
She wanted to name her child after John’s dad if it happened to be a boy. She found out at 20 weeks that she wasn’t carrying one baby, but two.
This started the tailspin for her mother-in-law.
“When I told her the news, she flat out told me that I had to name one of the babies after Michael, or she would never forgive me,” she said.
“When I told her that we weren’t going to do that, she absolutely flipped, saying that I was betraying the memory of her son.”
“I tried to make her understand that as much as I love and miss Michael, that chapter of my life is over, and I feel like it’s disrespectful to John to insist on naming one of his children after another man.”
John tried to tell her that he was ok if she wanted to name one of their sons Michael, but then he owned up to that making him feel a little weird.
Just because she is not going forward with naming one of their babies Michael doesn’t mean she has ignored her first husband.
He still is very much so important to her, but she does not think he even would have liked her naming one of the babies after him.
“There are better ways of remembering him than giving his name to a child that will never have any real connection to him,” she concluded.
Her mother-in-law absolutely refuses to listen to her reasoning behind her name choices and went so far as to tell her that she will never talk to her for the rest of her life if one baby does not end up with the name Michael.
This poor mom-to-be is upset at the thought of not having her mother-in-law in her life, but she considers the ultimatum to not be just at all.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“…It sounds like she went through the grief of losing a son, but now she’s going through the grief of “what could have been” with the new babies on the way.”
“But naming one of them after Michael could open up a whole barrel of worms. The father might feel uncomfortable around that son which could manifest in favoritism toward the son named after his own father.”
“Or the ex-MIL might exhibit heavy favoritism toward him and spoil him. Either way, this could also drive a wedge between the twins.”
“Raising twins can be a challenge on its own: treating them both equally and as individuals. It’s hard enough for a twin to be seen as their own person, let alone constantly compared to someone who’s passed.”
“Every kid deserves to start life with a blank slate.”
“I went through a very very similar situation. My partner also passed away unexpectedly and his mother and I have remained in contact still to this day.”
“I got pregnant and had my little guy 9 months ago. She never once asked me to do something like this.”
“She knew it would be super awkward for my new partner and she still has my back. You X-MIL is having trouble moving on and being very childish and selfish.”
“It’s great that you have maintained a great relationship with your late husband’s mother. That doesn’t change the fact that your kids have no connection to Michael.”
“It would be unfair to your husband and to the kid. “Does your name have a story?” “Oh yeah, I was named after my mom’s first husband.” The names should be important to both of you or at least have some…logical meanings.”
“It’s not like you were in a poly relationship and one partner died. Also where I live, it is said that it’s bad luck to name a child specifically after someone dead.”
“She is giving you an unfair ultimatum. As difficult as this is for her to understand, those babies are yours and John’s.”
“It sounds like she may be struggling with her grief about not getting to meet any of Michael’s children and is trying to compensate for that.”
“You might lose her over this, but do what feels right for the family you have now. It sounds like you knew Michael pretty well and know how he would have felt about this.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say to her here.