A woman is asking how to handle a unique situation after she ended up with photos of her ex’s parents who passed away.
Her partner, Joe, is friendly with his ex, and although she’s nice, she comes with a set of issues that don’t let her lead a normal life.
“She’s nice but has issues that keep her from leading a functional life,” she explained about Joe’s ex.
“She’s at the center of lots of conflict, and struggles with psych issues that affect reliability & consistency.”
“She moves a lot & gets in a lot of urgent situations. She’s asked many times for help and when we can, we do. I like to think that being kind is a benefit to all parties.”
“9 months ago, before Joe & I moved in together, I helped her move. She doesn’t drive so I had to move her, with her helping.”
Although Joe’s ex had asked if he could help, he would have had to take a day off of work. So, she volunteered to help instead since she works from home.
Joe’s ex had so much stuff to move that it did not all fit inside of her car, so Joe’s ex asked her to take 3 of these boxes and hold onto them.
Two of the boxes are around 18″x18″x18″, while the third box is about twice the size of a shoebox.
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The boxes had dozens of photos of Joe’s ex’s family. She agreed to hold onto the boxes and the photos and keep them safe temporarily.
“I said of course. We finish the move & she says that the photos are the only ones she has of her parents that died and they are her most precious possessions.”
The weekend after she helped Joe’s ex move, she reached out and asked if she could drop the boxes off.
Joe’s ex said she wanted to wait until she settled into her new place before having the boxes brought over.
She didn’t think this was a problem, and she kept holding onto the boxes.
Days went by. She reached out again asking Joe’s ex when she would like her to drop off the photos, but she hasn’t given her any concrete replies.
She ended up taking Joe’s ex’s boxes of photos to her storage locker and left them there.
“She faded out of our lives for a bit, ignoring us except to ask for rides a few times,” she said about Joe’s ex.
“She made some effort a few times to get the pics, but plans quickly fell apart over fights with her bf, citing overwhelm.”
For several months after the last time she spoke to Joe’s ex, she just did not bother reaching back out to her.
But then when May 1st came around, she was going to stop renting her storage unit, so she asked Joe’s ex about the photos.
After being ignored multiple times, eventually, Joe’s ex said she’s moving an hour away and would like to have the boxes dropped off at her house.
But, Joe’s ex never shared her address.
Then Joe’s ex changed her mind and said she was sending a friend to pick them up. However, the friend never showed up to get the photos.
“I’m considering tossing them,” she admitted. “They’re blocking a door, there isn’t space for them.”
“I’m tired of protecting someone else’s stuff & wasting time on plans not kept. The boxes are falling apart, & have her mom’s writing on them, so they’re fragile and hard to move around.”
“I feel terrible about it. I empathize with her & I don’t want to be the arbiter of those kinds of irreversible consequences.”
“I might give her a timeframe, maybe July 15, and if she can’t arrange to get them or keep a date for us to drop them off, we’ll toss them.”
She then asked the internet to weigh in on the whole situation.
When asked about why she hasn’t tossed them yet, she replied, “…I care about my partner, and keeping things copacetic for him, and because I really do empathize with her. I feel like the fact that she can’t seem to make it happen is a reflection of where she’s at, and that sucks.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Have you said, “July 1st I will be taking the boxes to the dump?” On July 2nd text that you have disposed of the photos….even if you don’t. Also, have you checked that the box contains photos?”
“Sometimes people who flake because of mental health struggles pull off what they need to do only when there is literally no other option.”
“She likely flakes because of yes, real struggles, but also partly because in the back of her mind she knows that that is something she can put off and you’ll keep taking care of it.”
“It’s time to make that no longer the case.”
“Maybe pick out a few photos and scan them for her before you ditch them, too???? Like, through a scanner app on your phone???”
“Idk I know that probably sounds too nice, but I can nearly guarantee she doesn’t want to be like this.”
“I’d text her and say you were gonna leave them outside for her to come get and whatever happened to them from there, happened. I think that’s more than fair.”
“You seem a lot more willing to throw them out than willing to have a real confrontation with this person, which is interesting.”
“I’m totally in favor of the “come pick them up by July 15th” conversation. She’s being very inconsiderate by being capable of communicating and choosing not to.”
“Don’t be afraid to get a bit nasty if she doesn’t recognize that. The fact she’s refusing to do something as simple as giving you a place to drop them off is a little ridiculous.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.