Rebecca Meyer
This man and his wife, both in their late 30s, are financially stable enough that they feel ready to have children.
They’ve been married for seven years, and leading up to the wedding, his wife explained that she hoped to keep her last name because she was an only child, and neither of her parents had siblings. She would be the last person carrying on her last name unless their children had her last name.
Since he was also an only child, he understood her perspective and felt the same way about hoping to continue his family name. They agreed that neither of them liked how their last names sounded together if she hyphenated them, so she kept her last name. His last name is Wiley, while hers is Jarzebowski.
“When we got married, we agreed that even though she kept her last name, our firstborn would have my last name, and the secondborn would have hers, regardless of gender. I thought this was a fair compromise then, and so did she,” he said.
Recently, his wife told him she hoped to give their first child her last name, and they could give their second child his last name. While this would be fine with him, he was concerned that because of his wife’s age, she wouldn’t be able to have a second child.
He acknowledged that if they’d started trying to have children early in their marriage, it would have been more likely that they’d have more than one child.
“I’ve told her she knows what she’s doing, which isn’t what we agreed on before marriage. She said that she knows, but since she’s the one who would have to carry the child, she should get first dibs,” he explained.
In response, he expressed that he wouldn’t agree to give their first child her last name instead of his, suggesting they hyphenate their last names for their child as a compromise. She rejected this idea, complaining that their names are hideous together, doubling down on her plan to give their child her last name.
He said he didn’t know how the law worked in their state, but he expressed that he no longer wanted to have a kid with her if she wouldn’t hyphenate their last names.
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